The Beautiful Story of Ahalyaa

(Based on the account given in the Kamba Ramayana written in Tamil by the sage Kamban during the thirteenth century. I have slightly edited the English translation to make it more easily readable)

Dear Readers, the following is an account of the story of Ahalyaa which gives a good explanation why Ahalyaa is considered to this day to be one of the most chaste women in history.

After passing partway through the country of Janaka Maharaja, Rama, Lakshmana and Visvamitra Muni came to the City of Mithila, which was surrounded by boundary walls. After their long but pleasant journey, they rested against the boundary walls. As they gazed upon the surroundings, they noticed in the open ground a stone image. That stone image represented the cursed wife of the sage Gautama. She had lost the glory of her household and was known by the name of Ahalyaa, earning blemish on her character. (Kamba-Ramayana, Bala-kanda, 539)

The dust from the feet of Kakutstha fell on the image. With the very touch of the dust of Rama’s feet, Ahalyaa regained her earlier form and stood there. Her regaining the original form was like an ascetic who, disowning the darkness of ignorance, attains supreme knowledge and arrives to adore the lotus- like feet of the Lord. Thereafter Kaushika said to Sri Rama: (540) “O Rama, belonging to the race of Bhaagiratha, who made the Ganga descend from the sky, the damsel who is delightfully standing before you is the spouse of the sage Gautama. Indra had deliberately committed a crime [against her], as a result of which the sage Gautama bestowed upon Indra a thousand beautiful eyes.” (541)

Listening to the words of the sage with golden locks of hair, Rama was immensely surprised. He said, “How surprising are the movements of destiny! Its ways are astonishing! She appears to be like the mother of the universe. How could she meet with such a fate? Was it the reward of some deeds performed in a previous life, or was it the result of some evil deeds performed by her during this birth? Kindly tell us.” (542)

Visvamitra, who had the knowledge of past, present and future, said to him, “O virtuous Rama, once upon a time, Indra, the holder of the shining vajra, became influenced by evil passionate desires. He tried to enjoy the company of the beautiful wife of Gautama who had eyes like a doe. (543)

“Under the influence of the god of love, Indra was overcome with passion because of the eyes of the beautiful damsel, which were shaped like the head of a spear. He searched for a remedy to relieve himself of his passion. Due to his intolerable desire, his mind was disturbed. He thought of a plan how to remove Gautama from his abode. To achieve this, he produced the untimely crowing of a rooster. Hearing the crowing of the rooster, Sage Gautama left his hermitage to go take bath. In his absence, Indra entered the spotless abode of Gautama, disguising himself as the sage. (544)

Both Indra and Ahalyaa were engaged in conjugal pleasures. Intensely lusty, they became wild in making love. Both of them were enjoying equally. Soon, the truth about the intruder dawned on Ahalyaa, but in spite of that, she could not resist and went on enjoying conjugal pleasure. At the same time, Gautama, who had prowess equal to Lord Shiva, arrived there after taking bath. (545)

Whether pronouncing a curse or giving a benediction, the words of Gautama always come true. It is possible to dodge an arrow when it is shot from a bow, but it is impossible to avoid a curse from the lips of Gautama Rsi. Similarly, his boons were also fruitful. Finding Gautama there, Ahalyaa, who had earned permanent denouncement, stood aside, feeling panicky. Indra also felt panicky and tried to flee the scene in the form of a cat. (546)

Gautama was an auspicious sage who believed in justice. He came to know about the sin of Indra. He looked at both of them with eyes burning with anger. O Rama, just as Your arrow is invincible once it is fixed to Your bow, he pronounced an infallible curse. “Let your body develop a thousand yonis (vaginas)!” In the twinkling of an eye, his entire body was covered with yonis. (547)

Indra was filled with shame. Everyone who looked at him laughed at him and started denouncing him contemptuously. Thereafter, he left the place. The sage then looked at Ahalyaa who had a sweet temperament. “You have acted like a whore, therefore you become a stone.” When she was falling, having been turned into a stone, she said to the ascetic who had burning eyes like Shiva, “It is incumbent upon saintly people to forgive. Please tell me how I can be relieved of this curse.” The sage kept quiet for some time, and then he said to Ahalyaa, “With the touch of the dust from the lotus-like feet of Rama who is adored with fragrant flowers over which black bumblebees hover, you will be relieved of your stone form and achieve your original position.” (549)

The gods in heaven could not keep quiet finding Indra in such a condition. They went to the sage Gautama led by Brahma. All of them prayed to Gautama for the removal of the curse. By that time, the sage had cooled down. He therefore made the thousand yonis into a thousand eyes all over the body of Indra. But the goddess Ahalyaa continued to remain in the form of a stone. (550)

Ahalyaa having been released from her curse by Rama, Rama looked at her and said, “O mother, you should now serve the sage Gautama attentively and earn his grace. Forget the past. You come along with us.” Thus speaking, He took Ahalyaa with Him. (552)

All of them went toward the hermitage of Gautama. Visvamitra pointed out Gautama’s hermitage to Rama from a distance. All of them were delighted to find the sages, and the sages were happy to welcome the visitors who had arrived there. They were offered the customary padhya and ardhya. Thereafter, Visvamitra, the son of Gadhi, said to Gautama, “O sage Gautama, with the touch of the dust from the feet of Sri Rama who has a complexion like collyrium, the goddess has attained her original form. It is therefore evident that she has an auspicious and spotless mind. Therefore, kindly accept her.” Gautama accepted the words of Visvamitra. (554)

Virtuous Rama, the best of all, prostrated at the feet of Gautama and praised him, circumambulating him. He then handed over the chaste Ahalyaa who was devoted to her husband, to the sage Gautama. Thereafter, accompanied by Visvamitra, leaving the fragrant asrama of Gautama, they moved toward the city of Mithila.

The poet Kamban describes Ahalyaa as a spotless and chaste woman. Therefore it has to be concluded that Ahalyaa was an absolutely chaste woman. In the episode of Indra, actually Indra and his voluptuous advances were responsible for the unpleasant episode. Ahalyaa had to repent for her unstableness for many years remaining as a stone. The act of repenting and honoring the words of her husband testify that she was immensely devoted to her husband. This new birth of Ahalyaa was by the grace of Sri Rama, therefore He became like her father. (555)

Letter to a Spiritual Nephew

The following is a letter my husband wrote to one of our spiritual God-nephews. It is a response to the latter's query regarding the responsibility of a husband to provide for his wife and children.

Dear Prabhu, 

Pranams. Jaya Srila Prabhupada. Hare Krishna.

As we all know, grhastha ashram means man has responsibility to provide the wife and children with shelter, clothes, food, etc., along with guiding them in Krishna consciousness. Srila Prabhupada has stated, "woman is meant for homely comforts and man is meant for working hard." In my case, I joined ISKCON in 1973 and served in the temple as a brahmacari for the first seven years, and then opened a temple and got married. For eight years Phalini devi and I served together preaching, distributing books and building the temple congregation. During that time we had our two children. 

In the final year, 1988, I began doing some outside business to earn extra Lakshmi for the family and then turned the management of the temple over to an ISKCON grhastha couple. We then moved to a rural ISKCON community. There I built a house for my wife and children and engaged in various businesses to fully support them. After 2005 when Kamalini got married and Nitai Pran moved out to live with some devotee friends, Phalini devi and I started to visit Poland, do some kirtan and preaching there, and a few years later began visiting India. We slowly made a transition from earning money in business to full time traveling and preaching here in India. 

By Krishna's grace we earned enough Lakshmi in our business to be able to support ourselves here in India (you have seen our simple flat) and also travel back and forth between India and USA from time to time to visit our children and grandchildren. 

What Phalini devi and I have done is somewhat common among serious devotees in ISKCON. If you look at the ISKCON Salem community, for instance, you will see that Gaura Bhagavan Prabhu, Vrindavananatha Prabhu, Sundararajana Prabhu, and so many other grhasthas there have worked and earned Lakshmi for quite a number of years while supporting their wives and children in Krishna consciousness and taking part in temple functions. More recently many of them have now retired from money-making and are serving full time on the temple project and in local preaching activities. From what I can see, these devotee families in Salem are nicely situated and enthusiastically pushing forward our preaching mission. 

I can tell you that Phalini devi is feeling quite secure financially as there are sufficient funds that she can live on if I leave the body before she does. We gave eleven lakhs in charity (about $18,000 US) this past year for various preaching projects here in India, mostly temple construction and some book publishing, simply by interest income on our fixed deposits here in India which came from our business profits. Also, we have been able to give our children some Lakshmi each year to help them along financially, by Krishna's grace. 

Each of us has to decide how to carry forward the mission of spreading Lord Caitanya's sankirtana movement and simultaneously support our wife and children along the way. I can understand your wife's concerns and I hope the two of you can thoughtfully envision the best way forward. Feel free to share with me any additional thoughts you would like to discuss further. 

Wishing you and your family all the best. Haribol

param vijayate sri krishna sankirtanam

Yours in the service of Srila Prabhupada,

Haripada dasa

P.S. "We should correctly see all things as emanations of the Absolute Truth." SB 11.10.11

Fighting Alone

For many of us, it feels like we are fighting this fight alone. It feels like we are carrying our husbands on our shoulders because they are either not interested in devoting their lives to the service of God or they are temporarily in a spiritual slump. Although temporary, such slumps can be incessant, lasting in some cases for many years or even a lifetime. Or slumps can be intermittent, fluctuating with times of spiritual inspiration, but those times of spiritual inspiration for many men are shortlived and temporary, and again we find ourselves the only one in the family who is chanting japa or going to the temple or reading Srila Prabhupada’s books.

Fear not. This too shall pass.

And remember, you are never alone. Krsna is always with you. He’s in your heart. And He is aware of everything. He understands what you are going through and how heavy your burdens are. Take His help. Cry out to Him when you are chanting your japa. Ask Him to take over, because you have no strength on your own to carry your husband and children back home, back to Godhead. Pray for yourself. Pray for your husband. Pray for your children. 

And pray for others outside your immediate family. This will help your mind become peaceful. “The mind becomes peaceful by thinking of the welfare of others.” ~Srila Prabhupada

Pray for Tormentors

A friend asked me recently what to do when people torment us by speaking cruel words to us. I thought of how Tony Robbins used to say that if someone treats you unkindly, you should think, "That person must be so unhappy. Otherwise, how could he treat people that way?" First of all, because we are followers of Lord Caitanya, we should think, "Trnad api sunicena..." that we should be humbler than a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree, and remember that everything that comes to us we deserve, plus more. In other words, we should remember that because we are trying to dedicate ourselves to uncovering our love for Krsna, Krsna is minimizing our karmic reactions. We can pray to Krsna to teach us the lessons we need to learn so that we will not become disturbed by such ill treatment.

We can also pray for such persons that Krsna will kindly teach them the lessons they need to learn to be able to fully uncover their love for Krsna in their present lifetimes and return back home, back to Godhead. Even if they are tough, painful lessons, we need to be okay with praying for whatever Krsna needs to do to help those people learn their lessons. This is called tough love. There should be no vindictiveness or vengeance in our hearts when we pray like that. It should be a pure prayer, spoken with compassion, love and sincere desire for their welfare. Such compassionate prayers make room in our hearts for the ability to forgive our tormentors and wish them well.

A Fat Body is Not Healthy

I have a friend who's fat. More accurately, she has a fat body. She's not fat. She's the soul inside the body. She's the same size as the rest of us--1/10,000th part of the tip of a hair. But her fat material body makes her feel discouraged and embarrassed. She told me that people actually make comments about her body being overweight, and that it hurts her feelings. I feel compassion for her awkward situation, so I wrote her a letter today. I want to share it here, because it contains tips that have helped me and my husband keep our weight stable.

1:32pm Mar 8

Oooohhh, that must be really painful for you, to hear people making comments about your weight. That is so mean. I am sorry that they speak so childishly and make you feel sad. 

May I share some thoughts with you? Even though we are not these bodies, Krsna has given us instructions how to keep these bodies healthy, so we should take advantage of His kind advice. After all, our bodies belong to Krsna and they are meant for His service, so we should keep them healthy. 

We hear from Srila Prabhupada and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta as well as from Ayurveda that it is not good for our health to keep a fat body. This is true for all of us. We all must learn how to control our tongue and belly. But we can only do it with Krsna's help. 

Krsna has given us Ayurveda to help us keep our bodies healthy. Here are some rules that our Ayurvedic doctors in Udupi have shared with us: 

(1) Eat when you are hungry 

(2) Don't eat when you're not hungry 

(3) Drink when you're thirsty 

(4) Don't drink when you're not thirsty 

(5) Exercise every day. If possible, do some vigorous exercise until you perspire. If that's not possible, at least do some walking. Walking is excellent exercise, and should ideally be done in the morning, because morning sun is good for our health.

Another thing I learned long ago from Ayurveda is that if a person wants to lose weight, he should drink water before eating, not during eating or after eating. There are some foods that are good for weight-loss, too, like squashes of all kinds and juicy fruits. 

About twenty-five years ago, my husband and I had great success losing weight with an alkaline diet. We ate mostly fresh spinach salads tossed with lots of other yummy ingredients like lettuce, roasted sunflower seeds, friend paneer tidbits, grated carrot, steamed beet slices, sliced black olives, chopped celery, sliced cucumber, and boiled chickpeas. We would dress the salad with a delicious salad dressing, offer it to Krsna and then honor it to our full satisfaction. For a sweet, we would have fruit and almonds. We also exercised vigorously every day. And the weight melted off our bodies till we were so skinny that his pants wouldn't even stay up around his waist! 

Krsna can help you. You should pray to Krsna to help you lose weight. Don't think that because we're supposed to eventually get off the bodily platform that you should neglect your body. To desire to keep the body healthy just for sense gratification is a material desire. But to desire to keep the body healthy for serving Krsna and His devotees is a spiritual desire. Whether in your mind it is a material desire or a spiritual desire, if Krsna helps you lose weight, it will help you in your service. And all benedictions, both material and spiritual, are bestowed by the Supreme Lord. Srila Prabhupada writes, "If, however, anyone has any material desire to be fulfilled, he had better pray for it to the Supreme Lord (although that is not pure devotion), and he will thus achieve the desired result." (Bg 9.24 Ppt)

We are not these temporary conglomerations of molecules called the material body. Ultimately, we will leave the body at the time of death and the body will disintegrate into the totality of matter. But for now, while we are encaged in these bodies, it's best to remember that our bodies are, as they say in Christianity, "temples of the holy spirit." So we should take good care of them and use them in the service of our Lord.

These suggestions are just that. Suggestions. They are strategies that have worked for me. That's why I am sharing them with you. I hope something that I've shared here will be helpful to you. Praying for your success, Mata Phalini

Constant Practice and Detachment

About ten years ago, I wrote the following article on the occasion of the twenty-fifth anniversary of my husband and me obtaining our marriage license. Today is the 34th anniversary of our REAL wedding--our Vivaha yajna--which took place on December 5, 1982. In honor of our special day, I am posting this old article on my blog. Hare Krsna!

Twenty-five years ago today, Sriman Haripada dasa and I ascended the steps of the Orange County Courthouse. I don’t know about him, but I had butterflies in my stomach. We arrived at the marriage license window just as it opened. We were very shy to exchange rings, as we had never touched before. But after a couple of deep breaths, we somehow managed to awkwardly slip those gold bands onto each other’s fingers, and from that moment until today, we have been together through thick and thin.

Our fire sacrifice a year later marked the happiest day of my life. My husband had bought me a red silk sari embroidered with gold and silver, and my girlfriends helped me decorate my hair with flowers. The temple room was filled with well-wishing friends who had come to offer us their blessings. Ramesvara Swami officiated at our ceremony, my Dad had flown in from Cheyenne, Wyoming to give me away, and in front of Sri Sri Rukmini-Dvarakadhisa, we pronounced our vows.

Since then, my husband and I have experienced the ups and downs of married life as even aspiring Vaisnava grhasthas must endure in the unfriendly atmosphere of this Age of Kali. Although there have been periods of peace and even pleasure, they have been invariably followed by equal periods of distress and turbulence. After all, this is the world of dualities. Sometimes sukha, sometimes dhukha, up and down, back and forth, like a teeter-totter at a children’s playground. During times of happiness, when the teeter-totter is up, we experience a kind of euphoria. We sort of relax a bit and almost, almost start to think that everything is okay. Then the dhukha hits, and we bump! hit the ground with a dose of reality. “Oh, yeah. We almost forgot. We’re in the material world!” We again remember clearly that we don’t belong in this place.

Because we are endeavoring to return back home to eternally serve at the lotus feet of our Lord Sri Krsna, we are grateful for those times of distress. They remind us that there really is no continual happiness in this material world, and they make us want to return back home, back to Krsna’s lotus feet. “None of us wants calamities, yet when they come they may serve as an impetus to surrender to Lord Krsna.” (Mukunda-mala Stotra, 11, Purport)

The happiness we seek is the uninterrupted kind that we’re used to in the spiritual world. We want loving relationships here, but the taste of love that we hanker for in our heart of hearts can only be relished when we reestablish our eternal relationship with Lord Sri Krsna and His loving devotees in the effulgent, spiritual realm from which we originally came. Those times of displeasure which we experience here in this material world help us to long and pine for that eternal sweetness which we can taste only by resuming our eternal service to the Lord. “I wish that all those calamities would happen again and again so that we could see You again and again, for seeing You means that we will no longer see repeated births and deaths.” (Queen Kunti, S.B. 1.8.25)..

Sometimes people ask me how my hubby and I have managed to stay together and maintain at least a semblance of peace in our household. My first answer to them is always this: I don’t argue with my husband. Oh sure, sometimes we disagree, but we don’t have the kind of knock-down, drag-out fights that our parents used to have. Both my husband and I suffered anguish as kids whenever our parents fought. Neither of their marriages lasted—my husband’s parents divorced when he was ten, my parents divorced after I left home—and I vowed twenty-five years ago that whatever it took, I would never fight with my husband. I didn’t want my kids to suffer the same way my husband and I did when our parents fought. Granted, everybody has to suffer, including our kids, but at least I didn’t want them to have to suffer that way.

Of course we’ve made mistakes raising our kids. Every Kali-yuga parent has. But we tried our best, given the information we had at our disposal, the sincerity of our hearts, and the circumstances we found ourselves in. I hope that despite our shortcomings, at least our children will take into their own marriages the practice of avoiding quarrels with their spouses.

Along with not wanting my kids to hear us quarreling, I also had positive reasons for choosing not to fight with my husband. Srila Prabhupada quotes Canakya Pandita’s Niti-shastra: “Where there is no fighting between husband and wife, the Goddess of Fortune comes to live in that home.” When I first read that quote, I was thrilled and inspired to imagine that Srimati Laksmi devi Herself would be willing to come live in a couple’s home just because they refrain from fighting. I thought, I can do it, if You help me, Srimati Laksmi devi. Please help me to serve my husband nicely and refrain from fighting with him! We really want You to come live in our home! The tactic which works best for me is this: whenever I feel the urge to argue with my husband, I instead hold my tongue and pray to Krsna to find a solution to our disagreement. I have seen over the years that the more I practice this principle, the more we are rewarded. The more I depend on Krsna for solutions to our problems, the more we feel His mercy and the mercy of Srimati Laksmi devi in our lives and in our home.

Another reason why we try so hard to make our marriage work, which my husband often mentions in his talks with other devotees, is that we are both inspired to try to please Srila Prabhupada by keeping our marriage intact. We are saddened to recall how disappointed Srila Prabhupada was when he heard of so many marital break-ups in our Movement, and we want to do our little part to help establish a legacy of successful ISKCON marriages, even if staying together requires detaching ourselves from the false ego which always wants to be right. Successful marriage requires the utmost sacrifice, patience, determination, and prayer. After all, Vivaha-yajna is just that. A yajna. A sacrifice. And human life is meant for sacrifice. If we sacrifice our false ego to stay with our Vaisnava spouse, even if it’s not all hunky-dory, then that alone can be a source of pleasure to our spiritual master.

Beyond the fact that Laksmi devi Herself comes to live in your home, and the fact that Srila Prabhupada and Krsna are pleased when you hang in there and make your marriage work, there are also tangible rewards when you practice seeing the good qualities of your spouse and focusing on his positive attributes instead of on his shortcomings. I learned a little trick from a friend of mine who has a successful marriage. She suggested that I draw an outline of a man, then draw a line down the center of the image. She told me to list the positive qualities of my husband—things I like and admire about him—on one side of the vertical line and his negative qualities on the other side. Next, she said, fold the paper on the line, dividing the man in half. Fold back the negative qualities and look at the good qualities. You’re aware of his negative qualities, she said, but you don’t focus on them. You focus on his good qualities. So I followed her advice, and this little trick helps me to focus on my husband’s redeeming features whenever my false ego flares up and I find myself dwelling too much on his shortcomings.

The Vedas say that the husband is pati-guru. Srila Prabhupada once revealed an important principle in the relationship between guru and disciple. He said, “Arjuna accepting Krsna as spiritual master…means after accepting spiritual master he’ll not argue. He’ll simply accept whatever He says. That is the technique…Krsna was talking something and he was replying…So that argument has no end. But when he accepts Him as spiritual master, there is no more argument. One has to accept whatever He says. Therefore he’s accepting as spiritual master. After this, Arjuna will never say, “This is wrong…” or “I don’t agree.” No. He’ll accept. So acceptance of spiritual master means to accept anything, whatever he says.” (Conversation, 11/25/68, L.A.) Referring to her husband, Srila Prabhupada wrote in a letter to one of my Godsisters: “He is your spiritual master.” (Letter to Sucharya,10/23/72) So if the husband is the spiritual master of the wife, and a disciple is never to argue with the spiritual master, we can safely conclude that it is not acceptable for a wife to argue with her husband. There are other ways to communicate which are appropriate and pleasing to both one’s pati-guru and to the Lord. One way that works well for me is to hold my tongue and instead of “beating a dead horse” as my husband calls it (he grew up in Texas), talk to Krsna instead about the matter.

Over the years, I have had lots of chances to practice the art of holding my tongue and praying to Krsna to find solutions to our disagreements instead of resorting to screaming matches, which never result in anything good anyway. I heard someone say once, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?” I noticed that even if I’m right and my husband’s wrong about some topic of contention, he won’t listen to my point of view if I’m screaming. He just won’t. After all, I have found that Krsna is better than I am at convincing my husband of my point of view.

Lord Sri Krsna is also good at helping me to see my husband’s point of view, eventually, after my false ego calms down a bit. (I have a mega-plus-size false ego. Among the four animal propensities, in my personal dictionary, the definition of “defending” primarily refers to defending my very large false ego.) Vrtrasura told Indra that only Krsna is always victorious, so I have decided to let Krsna do the fighting. I leave all my battles in His capable hands. And it is Krsna who always takes the prize for being the most expert at finding solutions to our marital disagreements.

The more I practice depending on Krsna to help my husband and me see eye-to-eye, the more we feel the presence of Laksmi devi in our home and in our hearts. I am reminded of the phrase “constant practice and detachment.” A good Krsna conscious marriage requires constant practice of the principles given to us by our spiritual master, and detachment from the propensity to defend the false ego. By Srila Prabhupada’s and Lord Krsna’s grace, we are learning that the rewards of having Srimati Laksmi devi agree to come stay in one’s home are worth fighting for. I’m not saying all this to toot my horn, just reporting the results we’ve experienced by trying to follow Srila Prabhupada’s instructions for a peaceful, Krsna conscious marriage.

Dear Vaisnavas around the world, I offer my humble obeisances to all of you. I hope and pray that those of you who are married or planning to marry will be determined to keep your vows and that you will experience ever-increasing realizations in Krsna consciousness as you help each other along on your paths back to Godhead. I pray this meets you all in good health and blessed with the presence of Laksmi devi in your homes.

Please pray for my husband and me that we may be blessed with the determination and the ability to keep our vows, and to continue offering every moment of the rest of our lives with love and enthusiasm in humble service at the lotus feet of our beloved spiritual master, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.

Protective Shield

Something I've noticed since being married is that there is a confident energy that a protected woman radiates, kind of like a protective shield. It is actual shyness in the real sense of the word. It's like a "don't you dare touch me, or else my protector will teach you a lesson" energy that guys, if they have any decency at all, can kind of sense. In Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.9.27, Srila Prabhupada explains that shyness provides a kind of protection for women, who, though considered the weaker sex, are actually very powerful because of their ability to inspire men. "As far as the women class are concerned, they are accepted as a power of inspiration for men. As such, women are more powerful than men. Mighty Julius Caesar was controlled by a Cleopatra. Such powerful women are controlled by shyness. Therefore, shyness is important for women."

"Those who are too addicted to sex life cannot understand the purpose of the Absolute Truth, nor can they be clean in their habits, not to mention showing mercy to others. They cannot remain grave, and they have no interest in the ultimate goal of life. The ultimate goal of life is Krsna, or Visnu, but those who are addicted to sex life cannot understand that their ultimate interest is Krsna consciousness. Such people have no sense of decency." (SB 3.31.33 Ppt) Even if a man is so-called educated, even if he once-upon-a-time had good qualities, if he turns against God and commits offenses to the Lord or His devotees, he loses his learning and his good qualities. Ravana, the rakshasa king, kidnapped Princess Sita, the wife of Prince Rama, out of lust and thus lost the merits of his learning and whatever good qualities he may have once possessed, and thus brought about his own destruction. 

Ravana had committed a grievous sin, so he had lost all sense of decency. He was envious, proud and had taken the position of an enemy toward the Lord. Therefore he had no good qualities, and he needed to be taught a lesson. "He [Ravana, the rakshasa king] challenged anything and everything good, and listened to no cautious counsel about the bad reaction which follows sinful activities. Valmiki says that Ravana’s mentality was such that he was living for death. In challenging Rama by the abduction of His wife Sita, Ravana surely chose death, and raced headlong toward his inevitable meeting with it. Therefore, there was no fear of sin in Ravana; until such time as he was actually cut down by a superior power, he would violate the authority of the Lord as far as possible." (BTG, #21, 1968 "The Glories of Lord Ramacandra") 

Ravana was an avowed atheist. He had neither scruples nor good qualities. Because he had lost his understanding of right and wrong, he was ignorant. Although he was famous as a well-read man, he was actually ignorant because due to sin he had fallen into the category of mayayapahrta-jnana--his knowledge had been stolen by illusion. "Those miscreants who are grossly foolish, who are lowest among mankind, whose knowledge is stolen by illusion, and who partake of the atheistic nature of demons do not surrender unto Me." (Bg 7.15) Therefore, because Ravana's vast learning had been marred by his offense against the Supreme Lord Ramacandra and against the Supreme Goddess Srimati Sitadevi, his knowledge was buried under illusion. He could not sense Her power, nor could he recognize his own smallness in the presence of Lord Rama. He was therefore blind to the powerful energy possessed by Mother Sita, and so, he continued to offend Her, bringing about his own demise by making advances, entreaties, threats, and finally, an ultimatum toward Mother Sita: "Accept me as Your lover or You will become my breakfast." 

Sita devi could have destroyed Ravana Herself, but She chose to let Rama do it for His own glory and satisfaction. She chose instead to practice feminine shyness and absolute allegiance to Her Lord, deferring to Him the credit for destroying the wicked rakshasa monster. By taking the humble position of a pativrataa, Sitadevi hides Her feminine power under Her natural shyness. Understanding the mind and purpose of Her Lord, She gives Rama the satisfaction and glory of defeating the undefeatable Ravana, and allows Him to take full credit for this glorious feat. 

Demons, who are described in Bhagavad-gita as "mayayapahrita-jnana" or "those whose knowledge is taken away by illusion," cannot understand the power of feminine women. But those who are blessed with true knowledge can understand that Sitadevi and other women who are devoted to God and to their husbands are very powerful--not in the same ways as men are powerful--but in softer, subtler, more feminine ways. 

Sitadevi didn't have to depend on Rama to kill Ravana, but She chose to. Those of us who are not on the level of Princess Sita cannot necessarily destroy male predators, so we have to rely on our fathers, husbands, and sons to protect us from unscrupulous men. That is one big reason (among many) why Srila Prabhupada emphasized that every young girl should be vigilantly protected by her father, every young woman should be married, and every old woman should be protected by her sons. And if she has no sons, she should return to the house of her father or elder brother, or in the absence of both of those, she should take shelter of a protected temple or ashrama.