Krishna's Beautiful Servants

              Bound hair is aristocratic.    
             Loose hair is street culture.

                                                                --Bhakitividyapurna Swami

In my post entitled "The Beauty of the Fair Sex," I talk about shyness as a key to beauty in girls and women.  There are other aspects to a woman's nature and appearance that make her beautiful.  One of these is her hair.
           When I was little I loved to draw.  I loved art class in school.  I especially liked to sketch with a number two pencil on plain, white paper.  Plain, white paper was a rare luxury, and I treasured every piece.  When there was no clean, white paper available, I scratched out pencil drawings on anything I could find—peechee folders, scraps of paper, grocery bags, margins of newspapers. 

I enjoyed the challenge of drawing details accurately.  It was especially difficult for me to draw hair, but I would try and try to improve the realism of my drawings. 

My mother liked my drawings.  She would take notice when my ability to draw hair on my subjects improved.  She used to tell me that a woman's hair is her crowning glory.  My favorite subject for drawing was women with long hair, preferably saintly women.  My mother and I shared a love for Mary, the mother of Jesus.  I especially liked to draw Mary.  She was so beautiful in her robes with her long hair covered by a veil.

 I hated short hair.  I thought it was ugly.  I always wanted to have long hair.  I wanted to be like those long-haired saintly ladies.  Sometimes my Dad would set up a barber chair in the backyard, and he would line us up to have our hair cut.  I hated seeing those clumps of hair fall on the grass after I had waited so long to grow it out!

Braids were my favorite hairstyle.  After Dad cut my hair, I would wait anxiously for my hair to grow out.  As soon as my hair got long enough to squeeze into a rubber band, I would beg Mom to part my hair down the middle and plait it into two braids.  I remember feeling very special walking to school with a couple of yellow grosgrain ribbons on the ends of my stubby little braids.  I imagined that my braids were longer than they actually were.  

Ugly hair
 

Recently I met a woman in her fifties who had her hair cut very short in a butch cut.  It was fuzzy and stood straight up from her head.  Not only this, but she had dyed it a startling shade of pinkish-orange. The vision of this woman conjured up images of rakshasis in my mind.  Her husband was with her, but stood at a distance, looking away.  I tried not to let him notice that I was observing him.  He stood apart from her and appeared embarrassed.  Whenever his eyes lighted on her, he would quickly look away.  I could feel his discomfort.  She volunteered, "He (tossing her head nonchalantly toward her husband) hates it, but I love it!"  

I thought, Why do you keep your hair in that way if your husband hates it?  Such behavior is against religious principles for a wife.  A wife should keep herself attractive for her husband, not defiantly choose to wear her hair and clothes in such a way that her appearance disturbs his life-airs.  "The basic principle for a chaste woman is to be always favorably disposed toward her husband." (SB 7.11.25)  Besides appearing ugly, the woman disregarded her husband's desire that she change her hair-do.  She was obviously obstinately proud of appearing in a way that was displeasing to her husband.  This is called being unfavorably disposed toward the husband.

            Beautiful for Krishna

A lot of women today wear their hair either short or, if they leave it long, they wear it loose.  Srila Prabhupada instructed us to keep our hair long and tied up.  He told us that the only time a woman should wear her hair loose is when she is alone with her husband.  In an affectionate voice, Krishna said, "It is very inauspicious to stand here with your hair hanging loose and disheveled. It is especially offensive for one performing a vrata. What to speak of a person observing a vrata, even an ordinary person keeps his hair tied. O beautiful young girls! Even the celestial nymphs lose their beauty if they let down their hair. By this act you have spoiled your beauty. O girls whose sweet faces conquer the moon! You should tie your hair in a braid." (Ananda Vrindavana Champu 12.84-85)

Srila Prabhupada was once asked by one of his spiritual daughters if it would be proper for her to cut her hair.  He replied that cutting the hair is only for widows, and that she should try to be as beautiful as possible for Krsna.  By reverse inference, then, one can conclude that short hair on women is considered unattractive in Vedic society.  In a letter to the same devotee in 1972, he responded: "You remain the beautiful maid-servant of Krishna.  That is your business, and you should dress yourself always very nicely so that Krishna by seeing you will be pleased. Don't try to be ugly before Krishna.  Krishna does not like ugly gopis.  We are transcendental artists, musicians, writers, so everything should be beautiful for Krishna.  After all we are members of Krishna's family, just like Krishna had 16,000 wives and each wife has thousands of servants and maid-servants and all of them are very beautiful for serving Krishna and His Queens.  So the servants of the gopis and queens cannot be ugly, they are as beautiful as the queens.” 

Austerity for ladies

 Not only is short hair unattractive on women, but so are hair-dos that make the hair stand out from the head. They make a woman look uncivilized.  His Holiness Bhakti-vikasa Maharaja mentioned that hair-dos that stick out from the head make a woman look like a rakshasi or a pishachi.  He also said that when a woman's hair is loose, her character will also be loose.

There is one stipulation, though, that allows a woman to cut her hair.  In Yama-smriti, it is given that after her husband dies, a widow may cut her hair to the width of two fingers.  But otherwise, it is inauspicious for a woman to cut her hair before or during her marriage. 

When we're married, our hair should be kept long, parted in the middle and bound in the back. In Srimad-Bhagavatam 6.18.50, Kasyapa Muni instructs his wife Diti, "You should not go out...with your hair loose." Wearing our hair properly is one of the austerities that we ladies can perform daily for the pleasure of Krishna and our husbands.  
In a seminar on Vedic culture in Sandy Ridge, North Carolina, Bhaktividyapurna Maharaja said, "Bound hair is aristocratic.  Loose hair is street culture." 

            Along with wearing the hair properly, if she is married, a lady should also wear sindoor (red powder) in her part. "That vermillion sign means she is married." (SB 1.8.47 Lecture, 9/5/73 LA)  There is a sweet pastime in this regard.  According to a popular belief, once when Mother Sita was applying sindoor to her hair, Hanuman asked her the reason for doing so. She replied that Sri Rama liked sindoor, and that by applying sindoor, she ensured a long life for her husband.  The devoted Hanuman then smeared his entire body with sindoor, in an effort to please Lord Rama and ensure His beloved Lord's immortality.  One very nice practice for a married woman is to say a little prayer for her husband as she applies sindoor to her part.  For example, she may whisper to Krsna as she performs her little sindoor ritual, "My dear Lord Krsna, if You so desire, please figure out a special way to bless my husband today."

             Beautiful for our husbands

             Sometimes there are exceptions to the rule of keeping oneself attractive for one's husband.  
             When the husband is away, the wife should forget the make-up and extra jewelry and dress simply. 
"According to Yäjnavalkya's religious injunctions, a woman whose husband is away from home...should not decorate her body..." (SB 1.11.31 Ppt)  
             In the story of Kardama Muni and Devahuti, we learn that because of her constant engagement in the service of her husband, Devahuti neglected her hair and body.  "The lotus-eyed Devahüti accepted the order of her husband.  Because of her dirty dress and the locks of matted hair on her head, she did not look very attractive."  Srila Prabhupada writes, "It appears that Devahüti's hair had remained uncombed for many years and had become complicated in tangles.  In other words, she neglected her bodily dress and comforts to engage in the service of her husband." (SB 3.23.24 text and purport)
             In his purport to Srimad-Bhagavatam 4.28.44, Srila Prabhupada cites an exception to the rule of always keeping our hair nice for our husbands, during the stage of life called vanaprastha: "In this verse the word cira-väsä refers to very old torn garments. The wife especially should remain austere, not desiring luxurious dresses and living standards. She should accept only the bare necessities of life and minimize her eating and sleeping. There should be no question of mating. Simply by engaging in the service of her exalted husband, who must be a pure devotee, the wife will never be agitated by sex impulses. The vänaprastha stage is exactly like this. Although the wife remains with the husband, she undergoes severe austerities and penances so that although both husband and wife live together, there is no question of sex. In this way both husband and wife can live together perpetually. Since the wife is weaker than the husband, this weakness is expressed in this verse with the words upa patim. Upa means "near to," or "almost equal to." Being a man, the husband is generally more advanced than his wife. Nonetheless, the wife is expected to give up all luxurious habits. She should not even dress nicely or comb her hair. Hair combing is one of the main businesses of women. In the vänaprastha stage the wife should not take care of her hair. Thus her hair will become tangled in knots. Consequently the wife will no longer be attractive to the husband, and she herself will no longer be agitated by sex impulses. In this way both husband and wife can advance in spiritual consciousness. This advanced stage is called the paramahamsa stage, and once it is obtained, both husband and wife can be actually liberated from bodily consciousness." 
            But that is for the stage of life just before the husband takes sannyasa. During grhastha life, when the husband is present, there are different guidelines for the ladies.  Srila Prabhupada writes, "A wife should never present herself before the husband in an unclean state.  She must decorate herself with ornaments and good dress and should always be present before the husband in a happy and joyous mood." (SB1.11.31 Ppt)  I have learned the hard way that this is very important to my husband.  Before visiting India last year and for some time after arriving there, I had been avoiding using make-up and being rather careless with my hair.  It's just easier and quicker to not have to worry about such things; after all, I told myself, my husband and I are trying to practice vanaprastha (I thought of the "vanaprastha" purport above). 
            Recently, one devotee friend of ours was at Dr. Shivakumar's Ayurvedic clinic in Udupi for panca-karma treatments.  He greeted us in his usual warm, friendly way, but during the course of our conversation, he said softly to my husband, "Mataji looks weaker than she did last time I saw her."  My husband told me later that what the devotee meant was that I look OLDER.  And being very polite, he didn't want to say that.  My husband then told me, "When he said that, I looked over at you to see why he had said that.  You didn't have any make-up on, and your hair was not fixed properly."  
            I took this as a hint from my husband that it is important to him that I keep myself looking as nice as possible.  So the next day, I started putting on make-up again and trying harder to keep my ever-thinning hair looking neat.  I started wearing flowers in my hair, too, a la Karnataka-style.  He likes it so much better when I look younger and prettier.  It gives him energy.  I have concluded that my husband, although practicing vanaprastha to some degree, is not ready for his wife to have matted hair and a ghostly face.  So I am now daily taking the time to look better for him, and he is visibly encouraged.
             Men love to see flowers in women's hair.  South India is filled with flower-adorned ladies.  My husband and I have a little flat (apartment) in Udupi, a small city in South India.  All we have to do is step out of the house with our eyes open, and everywhere we look, we see ladies with flowers in their hair.  
             In South India, any woman who is nicely taken care of by her husband wears flowers in her hair.  It's a lovely tradition.  When we ladies wear flowers in our hair, we celebrate the fact that we have a nice devotee husband who takes good care of us.  By decorating our hair with flowers, we make a statement that we are protected, loved and provided for by our beloved husbands.

The final touch

            Lastly, remember how Srila Prabhupada commented that his disciples are "bright-faced?"  This effulgence of the devotees is what first attracted me to Krsna consciousness.  When we remember Krsna always and everywhere and try to do everything we do with love for Him, our natural effulgence begins to shine through.  Such brightness in the countenance of a devotee--even if that devotee is not materially very good-looking--brings out a supernatural beauty that is attractive to all.