Conquer His Heart

“As chaste women bring their gentle husbands under control by service, 

the pure devotees, who are equal to everyone

 and completely attached to Me in the core of the heart, 

bring Me under their full control.” (SB 9.4.66)

We sometimes hear of devotees who love Krsna so much that He becomes a slave to their desires.  And of course, they desire nothing except to please Krsna.  So Krsna and His pure devotee engage in a transcendental dance, if you will, by exchanging greater and greater loving reciprocations.

When a husband and wife love each other deeply, and good-naturedly compete in service to each other for the pleasure of Lord Krsna, they begin to taste a rare sweetness in their relationship that can only be experienced between devotee husbands and wives. 

I often ponder why the scriptures seem to talk more about the duties of women than the duties of men, as in the opening quote above.  It may seem like a one-way street to us women sometimes.  Seems like all the responsibility falls on our shoulders to keep our marriages together and alive.

My understanding is that by our behavior as women, we can inspire men to behave in a certain way.  Srila Prabhupada writes, "...A woman must be trained to be submissive to the will of her husband. Westerners contend that this is a slave mentality for the wife, but factually it is not; it is the tactic by which a woman can conquer the heart of her husband, however irritable or cruel he may be." (S.B. 9.3.10 Ppt)  By behaving in the most ideal way toward our husbands, we can gradually inspire them to come to the stage of pure devotion.  Gradually.  That's an important word to remember. 

A pure devotee has all the good qualities that we desire to see manifest in our husbands.  By performing the duties of a chaste wife, all the while exercising the greatest patience and completely depending on Krsna, we can watch our husbands gradually rise to the level of absolute purity.

But what if our desire to see our husband manifest the transcendental qualities of a pure devotee is not completely pure?  What if our desire to see our husband become a pure devotee is tinged with a bit of selfish desire?  For example, we may want to be treated nicely, respectfully, by our husbands while they're growing.  Is that too much to ask?  Is that selfish?  Is it a material desire?

Srila Prabhupada explains in the purport to Bhagavad-gita 15.5: "For one who is always expecting some honor in this material world, it is not possible to surrender to the Supreme Person."  To expect honor from our husband is a material desire.  

You can ask yourself, Do I stop chanting the holy name just because my heart is not yet pure?  No.  You keep chanting, knowing that the holy name is purifying your heart as you chant Him.  Do you stop performing devotional service because your motives are not yet completely pure and your heart is still hard and black as coal?  Nope.  You keep serving the Lord and trusting that He is purifying you.  The desire to be honored by our husbands is a material desire.  But we can also gradually give that up, along with all the rest of our material desires and anarthas, by continuing to chant the holy name and render devotional service.  As we advance spiritually, becoming more and more selfless and detached from material motives in the service of our husbands, the more we experience bliss, the sweet taste of bhakti.

So much mercy, so much nectar, such great blessings await a wife who treats her husband nicely and serves him selflessly with the pure motive of helping him grow in Krsna consciousness.  Even if our wanting to be treated nicely by our husband is a selfish, material desire, even if our desire to see our husband behave properly like a gentle, pure devotee with all good qualities is tinged with self-interest, still, in the meantime, while we are waiting for ourselves and our husbands to become Krsna conscious, we will still be benefited by behaving nicely toward our husbands.

Krsna is so pleased with a dutiful, loving wife that He rewards her generously even though she is not yet a completely pure devotee.  So what to speak of if we are purely Krsna conscious?  If our motive is actually pure and selfless, if we want the best for our husbands--pure, ecstatic Krsna prema--then, can you imagine how pleased Krsna will be by our loving behavior toward our husbands and our pure motive to see them progress in Krsna consciousness?

Krsna sees into the future.  He knows that we want to become pure.  Even if our cup is half empty, Krsna sees it as half full, because we are in the shower.  We are trying.  He sees our service to our husbands and our efforts to help them advance in Krsna consciousness as evidence that our cup is half full.  And He will fill it more and more to overflowing the more we serve our husbands dutifully with love and respect.  And He will take care of growing our husbands' bhakti creepers, too.  Krsna will surely enlighten our husbands from within as to how they can behave in the most pleasing ways so that not only Krsna is pleased with them for being good husbands and fathers, but their wives and children as well as other members of family and society are also pleased.  I have strong faith in this principle.

Srila Prabhupada teaches that when a wife treats her husband nicely according to the principles of patni-dharma, the husband will soon respond positively.  If the wife sticks to her dharma, her husband will eventually come around.  And coming around means becoming Krsna conscious, hence developing all good qualities.