The basic principle for a chaste woman
is to be always favorably disposed toward her husband.
What does it mean to be "favorably disposed" toward one's husband? It means to always wish him well, whether he's nice to you or not, or whether he's in a good mood or not.is to be always favorably disposed toward her husband.
(S.B. 7.11.25 Ppt)
Why does Srila Prabhupada write in the purport to Srimad-Bhagavatam 9.3.10 that a wife, in order to "conquer the heart of her husband" should be ready to carry out his orders and please him in all respects? He even uses the phrase "however irritable or cruel he may be" to indicate that no matter what kind of mood her husband is in, a wife should submit to him and try to please him in all circumstances. We read about Mother Sita that she "understood the attitude of her husband." (SB 9.10.55) Also in 9.3.10, we read, "If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him." Because due to the pressures of life in the material world men can sometimes be irritable, even cantankerous, we wives are encouraged to help them calm down and return to a happy state of mind by tolerating their irritability, remaining humble and respectful and refraining from becoming "just as irritable as the husband." (SB 9.3.10) This is the basic mentality a wife should have if she wants to take the further step to become the ever-well-wisher of her husband.
So how to always wish your husband well? Try to understand him. When he is irritable or when he is cruel or misbehaves, as men often do, don't be too hard on him. Try to forgive him immediately. Try to understand that he doesn't mean to hurt you or the children. He is probably stressed out about something that has nothing to do with you. Living in this material world is stressful in itself. For a soul living in a man's body who's trying to be a devotee in Kali-yuga, married to a woman and responsible for protecting her, guiding her, controlling her, providing for her and taking her all the way back home, back to Godhead (while still tolerating her idiosyncrasies) it's even more challenging.
It is a very big responsibility for a man to take and keep a wife. When he's trying to limit himself to just one woman (eka-patni-vrata), which is a big challenge for a man (men w ant to enjoy every beautiful woman they see) it's super hard. For a man to get married and limit himself to just one woman is way more challenging than it used to be in older societies where (1) a man could have more than one wife, and (2) men were not constantly bombarded with visuals of beautiful women that can potentially agitate their minds.
And when a man has children to protect, guide, control, provide for and tolerate the childish behavior of, it is even more stressful and the stress compounds with the birth of each child.
When a man has to compete with other men in the business world to provide a living for his family, the competition is often intense. A man not only has other men to deal with, but in this modern society, he also has business women to compete with. And some of them can be really aggressive. Not only is he faced with the challenges of staying ahead in a fiercely competitive business world, but he is also threatened by the tempting lures of women whom he works with or women who are his customers, women who may be lonely and dissatisfied at home and may be consciously or unconsciously looking for the shelter of another man. My husband had a direct experience of this. He used to be a realtor with the Coldwell-Banker company. There was a woman who worked in the same office where my husband worked, and she was very attracted to him. Luckily, after many months of burning my husband with her lusty vibes, she finally found some other man and married him. But for a while, it was really uncomfortable for my husband to even go to the office. Such women, when they turn on their charm, can be practically irresistible to a man, even a strong, determined devotee man who has taken the vow of eka-patni-vrata!
Think about his good qualities and accomplishments, and always be grateful for what he has given you and done for you. This helps keep your heart soft toward him. Make a list of at least ten things you like, admire and appreciate about your husband. Make another list of what he has done for you and given you. Keep your lists in a secret place where you can go to them and read them often. Add more positive points to your lists when you can. Writing down and reading about his good qualities and accomplishments, as well as the gifts and blessings you have received from him, will serve to remind you what a good person he is, and that will inspire you to always remember him fondly and wish him well.
Try to understand him and think of the challenges he faces every day. Be sympathetic, be a good listener, be cheerful and always pray for your husband's welfare and spiritual advancement. Remember that he is an eternal servant of Krsna, and that Krsna wants him to come back home to resume his eternal service at the Lord's lotus feet. So the ultimate benefit you can desire for your husband is that he return back home, back to Godhead. This will give Krsna great pleasure, and what is our life meant for other than giving Krsna pleasure?
Remember when you put on your sindoor in the morning to say a little prayer. You can pray that you yourself can become your husband's constant and sincere well-wisher. You can also pray that the Lord will bless your husband in some special way each day. This will keep your heart soft toward your husband and help you cultivate a nice attitude of always wishing him well.
"My Dear Lord Krsna, please help me to become my husband's ever well-wisher. Help me to understand his mind and his attitude, whether he is calm or disturbed, happy or angry. If he becomes irritable, Lord, please help me to be tolerant of his moodiness and avoid becoming as irritable as he is. And lastly, dear Lord, please kindly figure out a special way to bless my husband today that would be pleasing to both You and him. Thank You, dear Lord."
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