To render service to the husband, to be always favorably disposed toward the husband, to be equally well disposed toward the husband's relatives and friends, and to follow the vows of the husband--these are the four principles to be followed by women described as chaste. Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.11.25
What does it mean to render service to the husband? A wife serves her husband by keeping herself clean, well-groomed, and attractive to his eyes and mind. She serves him by cooking delicious, healthy meals for him and having them ready on time. She keeps his house clean, nicely decorated and aromatic with incense and flowers. She serves him by keeping his clothes clean and neatly ready for him to wear. She serves her husband with sweet words by complimenting him on his attributes and achievements. She is especially vigilant to notice his masculine qualities and accomplishments, because she is aware of how important it is to him to be recognized by his wife for his manly attributes and feats. She serves him by remaining chaste and devoted to him and him alone among all men. She serves him with good advice when it is warranted. She gives him her full attention when he speaks and she obeys his instructions. She bears his children and raises them as devotees of Krsna. She assists him in whatever ways he requires her assistance. "So you should simply do whatever your husband instructs you to do, however he may require your assistance." (Letter to Sucarya, October 23, 1972)
The
husband also serves the wife. He serves her by protecting her,
providing for her and guiding her in Krsna consciousness. As he
grows closer to Krsna, he shares his spiritual realizations with his
wife. He bestows upon her the gift of fearlessness by
encouraging her to daily take shelter of Krsna's holy names and by
teaching her how to transcend the bodily concept of life.
Husband and wife serve each other in an effort to bring each other
closer to Krsna. Because this blog is for women, we will focus
on how the wife can render service to the husband in the most
outstanding way, by becoming a first-class servant of her
husband. If a wife is very sincere, she can aspire and
pray to become a first-class servant of her husband. Part of
practicing first-class service is to go the extra mile in the service
of your husband.First of all, what does it mean to be a first-class
servant? There are three kinds of servants. They
are described by Srila Prabhupada:
1. A
first-class servant understands what his master wants before he asks,
and does it without being asked.
2. A
second-class servant willingly does what he is asked.
3. A
third-class servant does his service begrudgingly, or does not do it
at all.
"This
is the first-class servant," Srila Prabhupäda said. "He
does his service without being asked. The second-class
servant, you ask him and he does it. The third-class
servant, you ask him and he does it begrudgingly or doesn't do it at
all." (Srila
Prabhupada Uvaca,
Srutakirti dasa, 39, "Word Economy")
Ask
yourself, What
kind of servant am I?
Anucaräh means
"those who can immediately understand the purpose of their
master." This is a great quality of a first-class
servant. Another way to describe a first-class servant is
as we said above: that he knows his master so well that he can
understand what his master wants before his master even asks. The
servant then acts to satisfy his master before being asked.
The
wife who serves her Vaisnava husband imperceptibly reaps spiritual
benefits as her husband makes spiritual advancement. Devahuti
served Kardama Muni with all her strength and enthusiasm, thus she
earned great spiritual rewards. "Devahüti engaged only in
the service of Kardama Muni. She was not supposed to be so
advanced in austerity, ecstasy, meditation or Krsna consciousness,
but, imperceptibly, she was sharing her husband's achievements, which
she could neither see nor experience. Automatically she
achieved these graces of the Lord." (SB 3.23.7 Ppt) Devahuti was
so careful and thoughtful in her service, and served her husband
Kardama Muni with such intensity that he became emotional when he saw
her bedraggled appearance. "Having served him for a long
time, she grew weak and emaciated due to her religious observances.
Seeing her condition, Kardama, the foremost of celestial sages, was
overcome with compassion and spoke to her in a voice choked with
great love." (SB 3.23.5)
Second-class
service is very good
Srila
Prabhupada instructed one mataji, and I quote again because it's
worth repeating, “So you should simply do whatever your husband
instructs you to do, however he may require your assistance.”
(Letter to Sucarya, October 23, 1972) This is a perfect
instruction. It’s a perfect instruction for a wife who
wants to be a second-class servant of her husband. This
instruction implies not the begrudging attitude of a third-class
servant, but the willing, cheerful, positive and enthusiastic
attitude of a wife who is obedient to her husband and who serves him
according to his every request. Some of us may never get
beyond this point, and that’s okay. Second-class service
to a devotee husband in Krsna consciousness is very pleasing to the
husband and to Lord Sri Krsna. Second-class service by the
wife for her husband is wonderful, admirable and laudable, and if the
husband is first-class, by simply following her husband and honoring
his vows, the wife of such a first-class husband makes tremendous
spiritual advancement.
Being
a second-class servant of our husband is very good. Some
women never do what their husbands want, and many
women are “fair-weather” servants who pick and choose which of
their husbands’ desires they are willing to fulfill. Many
women, although they do what their husbands want, do it with a
begrudging, pouting attitude. When a wife does her duty
begrudgingly, her husband feels drained of energy, she feels
dissatisfied, and her children feel unhappy and rebellious, just like
her.
Those
unfortunate women who neglect their husbands’ desires or who
fulfill some of their husbands’ desires but not all of them, bear
the risk of losing their husbands. Many of them end up
with broken marriages and broken lives. The husbands of
these women suffer greatly, as well as the children. No
woman who neglects her husband’s needs can be happy.
Sometimes,
even sincere women who aspire to be first-class, chaste wives may
experience an emotion which can best be described as “causeless
unwillingness to serve.” This is a phrase Srila
Prabhupada coined to describe the kind of listlessness we may
sometimes feel when the mode of ignorance overcomes us. At
these times, we may not have the wherewithal to be anything better
than a third-class servant. We may feel grumpy or fatigued
and lack enthusiasm. We may resent some instruction our
husband gives us and although we may make an effort to follow it, we
may do it resentfully. During these times, if we at least
aspire and seek to render second-class service, that
will be progress. And Krsna will be pleased. He will
help us. He will pull us through to the other side of
our tamasic slump and lift our spirits up so that we
can eventually resume our normal, happy, enthusiastic demeanor.
Women
who try to serve their husbands with 100% of their energy as their
husbands ask them to are auspicious souls. They are very
fortunate. They please Krsna by their positive service
attitude and bring blessings upon their husbands, themselves and
their children.
A
woman who fulfills her husband’s requests willingly and cheerfully
does him a great service, and she benefits herself along with her
children. This is not to be minimized. It is a
rare soul in a woman’s body who keeps herself always ready to
execute the requests of her husband. This is one of the
sacred secrets of the dharmapatnis, and for a woman, the
path to success. "Therefore if the husband is nice
and the woman follows, woman becomes faithful and chaste to the
husband, then their both life becomes successful." (S.B.
1.3.17 Lecture, L.A., 9/22/72)
By
no means seeking to denigrate the virtues of a second-class servant,
we are nonetheless talking about becoming first-class
servants of our husbands. One may ask, Why should
I aspire to become a first-class servant of my husband, when
second-class is good enough? I answer, why not?
Becoming
a first-class servant
"A
first-class servant does his service without being asked," Srila
Prabhupada said. After many years of serving her husband
willingly, cheerfully, enthusiastically, and obediently,
a dharmapatni gradually
comes to understand, by the grace of Lord Sri Krsna in His form as
Paramatma within her heart, how to be a first-class servant of
her husband.
In
the beginning of her marriage, a woman generally does not know her
husband very well. She does her best to serve him lovingly
and dutifully, but she may sometimes make mistakes and accidentally
displease him. She may then experience a temporary feeling
of defeat, failure or even just emotions that come from such defeat,
such as apathy, depression, laziness or even despair. These
emotions arise from the modes of passion and
ignorance, rajas and tamas. They
manifest because we are attached to the results of our endeavors.
Lord
Sri Krsna in the Bhagavad-gita instructs us to
perform our duties without being attached to the results, and these
instructions go for us wives, too. “You have a right to
perform your prescribed duty,” Lord Krsna tells Arjuna, “but you
are not entitled to the fruits of action.” (Bg. 2.47) Srila
Prabhupada explains in the purport: “Prescribed duties are
activities enjoined in terms of one's acquired modes of material
nature…The Lord advised that Arjuna…perform his prescribed duty
without being attached to the result.” (Ibid.) We must
do our duty, faithfully and sincerely, enthusiastically and
cheerfully--with detachment from the results--trying always to please
Krsna by our actions and our attitude. Then, eventually,
if we strongly desire to become first-class servants of our husbands
and work always with that aim in mind, Krsna will become so pleased
with us that He will actually empower us to become first-class
servants of our husbands. He will empower us with the
shakti to understand ahead of time what our husbands will want, and
how to satisfy them expertly without being asked.
To
become a first-class servant of our husband is a lofty aspiration,
and to achieve this siddhi, we must practice, practice,
practice to serve our husbands lovingly, expertly, and
pleasingly. We must depend on Krsna completely to achieve
success in every endeavor. We must pray to Krsna to
empower us to anticipate our husband’s every need, his every
desire. It will take time. We must be patient
with ourselves. We must not give up and become hopeless,
listless or apathetic. We must not become complacent. We
should pray for the desire to be first-class servants of our
husbands. We should pray for courage and
determination. We must always be thinking, "What would my husband want me to do in this situation?" Eventually,
by Krsna’s grace, we will become expert at understanding and
fulfilling our husband’s needs and desires by knowing them ahead of
time.
Sacred
Secrets
A
woman who aspires to become a first-class servant of her husband
understands the third of the sacred secrets: she regards her husband
as the representative of the Supreme Lord in her life. She
demonstrates through her behavior, her words and her moment-to-moment
endeavors, that she is eager to please her husband, whom she sees as
the representative of the Supreme Lord in her life. Sripada
Madhvacarya even went so far as to say that a wife should see her
husband as the Supreme Lord! The woman who aspires to be a
first-class servant of her husband anticipates her husband’s needs
and desires and tries to be always alert to serve him and please him
in every way. She always honors her husband, respecting
him as her pati-guru. She
refrains from criticizing, nagging and fighting with her
husband. “Where there is no fighting, the Goddess of
Fortune resides in that home.” (Niti-shastra, III, 21) By
refraining from fighting with her husband, the wife who aspires to
become a first-class servant observes yet another of the sacred
secrets (#5). Thus
the husband and wife are blessed by the presence of Laksmi devi in
their home.
Precognition:
Krsna’s gift
The
ability to perform voluntary service which actually pleases one's
master is an opulence. It requires the blessings of Krsna. In
order to be able to execute such service, it is necessary to
understand one's master's needs ahead of time. That ability is
called "precognition." It comes from the ancient
Latin words prae before, and cognoscere to
know. That ability is actually a gift from the Lord. How
to earn that power, that shakti, that siddhi, of precognition? When
Krsna is pleased with our sincere effort to serve our pati-guru in
ordinary ways, according to our husband’s desire, Krsna eventually
agrees to bestow upon us the benediction of understanding the mind of
our pati-guru. We can then know—without being
told or asked to do something—what needs to be done. Without
Krsna's mercy and sanction, we cannot have such power.
Srimati
Sita devi was expert at understanding the heart of her husband, Lord
Sri Ramacandra. “Mother Sitä was very submissive,
faithful, shy and chaste, always understanding the attitude of her
husband. Thus by her character and her love and service she
completely attracted the mind of the Lord.” (SB 9.10.55) In
the purport to this verse, Srila Prabhupada proclaims that Mother
Sita is “the ideal wife.” In many places, Srila
Prabhupada calls Mother Sita “Laksmi Sita.” He has
instructed us to follow in the footsteps of Srimati Laksmi devi, the
ideal wife. And in the story of Cyavana Muni and Sukanya, we
learn that Sukanya was also expert at understanding her husband's
attitude and temperament: "His [Cyavana Muni's] wife, Sukanyä,
could understand his attitude, and under the circumstances she
treated him accordingly. If any wife wants to be happy with her
husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and
please him. This is victory for a woman." (SB 9.3.10, Purport)
We can become
expert at understanding the mind, heart, attitude and temperament of
our husband, just as Srimati Laksmi-Sita does, just as Sukanya
did. But that is an opulence, a mystical art or power
which is gifted to a chaste woman by the Lord. Such power
can only be had through the mercy of Krsna. So if we're
asking Krsna for the ability to rise to the occasion, to serve our
lord before he even says anything about what he wants, if we're
asking Krsna how to anticipate our husband's needs and desires, Krsna
can give us that power. But we have to want
it. Sincerely. And the way to develop that
desire is by performing the duties we are asked and expected to do
first, and doing them for the pleasure of Guru and
Krsna. Religiously. Without fail. Gradually,
as our husband, our pati-guru, is pleased, Krsna is
automatically pleased by our service to our husband. Then
Krsna begins to reveal to us from within our heart what we should do
in anticipation of our husband's upcoming desire or need.
Prabhupäda said, "One who is sincerely engaged in the service
of the Lord, He gives him intelligence, 'Now do this, do this.'
Simply we have to become sincere servant; then all dictation will
come from within. Krsna is there is everyone's heart."
(Arrival talk, Mayapur, March 23, 1975)
You
may laugh to read a quote from Ravana, the demon king of the
Rakshasas, but he gave some very good advice at one time. He
said, "If you think of a good thing, do it immediately." I
have seen time and time again that when I feel Krsna prompting me in
my heart that, Your husband is coming home. Get
yourself ready and have his meal hot! When I
act immediately on that inspiration—without
hesitation—I am rewarded by seeing the pleasure and satisfaction of
my husband. When I neglect to act on Krsna’s
inspiration, or put it off, allowing myself to get distracted or to
do the service half-heartedly, I sense the subtle disappointment in
my husband's mood and I regret my poor choices. One way is
the way of empowerment to become the source of energy and inspiration
for the husband. The other way is the way of becoming a
drain on his energy and a source of discouragement for him.
Krsna
has given us free will to choose whether to serve Him or to
serve Maya. When we choose to serve Krsna by
serving and pleasing our husband as His representative, aspiring
always to become our husband's first-class servant, we are rewarded
with all kinds of auspiciousness and unlimited, unbelievable
blessings in our lives. Conversely, when we choose to
satisfy our own whims, we suffer, our husbands suffer and our
children suffer.
Choose
to become first-class
By
choosing to perform our service to our husband agreeably,
enthusiastically and cheerfully, trying always to anticipate his
needs, we become the source of energy and inspiration for our
husband. "By her feminine behavior as she dressed
herself, walked, got up, smiled, laughed, and glanced about, Queen
Barhismati increased [her husband's] energy." (S.B. 5.1.29) By
her affectionate glances and her loving words, her humble demeanor
and her cheerful, voluntary service, her wise counsel and
her domestic expertise, the chaste wife wins the heart of her husband
and encourages him to be the best person he is capable of
being. Thus she pleases both the Lord and her husband, and
is rewarded in both this life and the next.
If
we are doing a good job of being second-class servants of our
husbands, and there is room for improvement beyond that, why not go
for it? If we continue to accept our grave
responsibilities and strive even further, even higher, by aspiring to
become first-class, Krsna conscious servants of our sincere, Krsna
conscious husbands, then how will Krsna not be pleased?
Krsna
renders first-class service
One
very good method for training the heart and mind toward accepting the
attitude of a first-class servant is to practice going the extra mile
in the service of our husband. Going the extra mile means
doing more than we are asked. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta
Saraswati said that we should not try to see God, but act in such a
way that God will take notice of us. So going the extra mile in
the service of our husband is one very good way to get Krsna's
attention. What better engagement could there be for a Vaisnavi
dharmapatni than to aspire to become a first-class servant
of her devotee husband, depending on Krsna at every moment to help
her anticipate her husband’s desires and needs, and giving it her
all—even going the extra mile, above and beyond the call of duty—to
achieve his pleasure and satisfaction? Then her life will
become not only successful, but indescribably blissful. To
endeavor to serve our husbands above and beyond the call of duty is a
great way to attract Krsna's attention and invite the Lord's mercy to
empower us in our efforts to become first-class servants.
Being
a first-class servant doesn't mean just intuiting instructions ahead
of time so that we can follow them verbatim without using our
intelligence. Sometimes we are given choices in the service of
our master, and we have to decide which way to go in order to serve
our master in the most pleasing way. On the subject of making
correct decisions by using one's intelligence, Hari Sauri Prabhu
wrote, “Although it is essential to follow the instructions of the
spiritual master closely, a little intelligence in the application of
those instructions is also required. A first-class servant will
anticipate the needs of his spiritual master, rather than simply wait
to be told everything. One who is expert at pleasing the guru can do
many things on his own initiative and still adhere strictly to all
instructions. Our intelligence shouldn't be stereotyped or
inflexible." (Hari-Sauri, TD 1, Sri Vrndavana Dhama) Be
flexible. Be always alert. Anticipate the needs of your
husband. Pray to be empowered to understand ahead of time his
needs and desires and to serve him pleasingly, even going the extra
mile.
Krsna
says that to serve His devotee’s devotee is even more pleasing to
Him than serving Him directly. Our husbands are the
devotees of Krsna’s pure devotees. Krsna has rendered
first-class service to us for aeons of time. Throughout
every single one of our innumerable bodies that we’ve inhabited,
since time immemorial, Lord Sri Krsna has remained standing in our
hearts, guiding us, correcting us, beckoning us back to our eternal,
happy life in Vaikuntha. Should we not endeavor to render
Him first-class service in return by rendering first-class service to
the servant of His pure devotee?
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