Always wearing clean and attractive garments,
a chaste wife should sweep and clean the household with water and other liquids
so that the entire house is always pure and clean.
Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.11.26
Beyond the four initial principles laid down by Narada Muni for chaste wives, he adds a few more pointers to his list. The sixth of these principles is to dress nicely in clean and attractive garments and to keep the house clean.
This passage spoken by Narada Muni conjures up visions of retro housewives in pumps with cutesie aprons and sparkling smiles. I remember when I was very young, I thought my Mommy was beautiful. And so did my Dad. Before my Dad would come home from the office, Mom would freshen herself up and be waiting for him with her hair nicely combed, wearing a pretty shirtwaist dress and a smile on her face. When he would come in the front door, he would kiss our Mommy and hug all of us kids. It was a celebration every time our Dad came home from work. And as far as keeping the house clean, when I think back at the condition of that little house we lived in, I don't remember anything ever being dirty or out of place. My Mom did a good job of keeping herself and the house clean and attractive, so that when my Dad came home, he would be greeted with loving smiles and a pleasant atmosphere.
What to do if you have lost the enthusiasm you once had to keep yourself clean and attractive for your husband? Here is an inspiring quote that I find helpful when I become a little lax in this regard:
"Mahäräja Priyavrata...greatly loved his wife Barhismati, and with the increase of days, their exchange of nuptial love also increased. By her feminine behavior as she dressed herself, walked, got up, smiled, laughed, and glanced about, Queen Barhismati increased his energy."
In the purport, Srila Prabhupada explains that Maharaja Priyavrata was very much encouraged by the feminine mannerisms of his wife. He notes, "...One needs encouragement from his wife...Ksatriyas and grhasthas...actually need the encouragement of their wives in order to execute their duties. Indeed, a grhastha or ksatriya cannot properly execute his responsibilities without the association of his wife..." Srila Prabhupada goes on to say that Queen Barhismati "was always very expert in pleasing her great husband by properly dressing herself, smiling, and exhibiting her feminine bodily features. Queen Barhismati always kept Mahäräja Priyavrata very encouraged, and thus he executed his governmental duty very properly." (SB 5.1.29)
Queen Barhismati knew how to keep her husband pleased and encouraged by her feminine ways and her attractive dress.
Sometimes I need inspiration in the area of cleaning. It can get rather repetitive, as we all know. To get me inspired to keep my house clean, I have found this site to be especially helpful:
www.FlyLady.net
When both the lady and her house are clean and pretty, a homecoming husband's mind can become soothed after a hard day of work out in the world. A clean and pretty wife and a clean and pretty house can encourage a man and revive him to go back out and do what he needs to do in order to support his family. As Srila Prabhupada said above, a man needs encouragement from his wife, and simply by wearing clean and attractive garments and keeping our house clean, we can help to lighten the burdens of our husband's heart.
Beyond the four initial principles laid down by Narada Muni for chaste wives, he adds a few more pointers to his list. The sixth of these principles is to dress nicely in clean and attractive garments and to keep the house clean.
This passage spoken by Narada Muni conjures up visions of retro housewives in pumps with cutesie aprons and sparkling smiles. I remember when I was very young, I thought my Mommy was beautiful. And so did my Dad. Before my Dad would come home from the office, Mom would freshen herself up and be waiting for him with her hair nicely combed, wearing a pretty shirtwaist dress and a smile on her face. When he would come in the front door, he would kiss our Mommy and hug all of us kids. It was a celebration every time our Dad came home from work. And as far as keeping the house clean, when I think back at the condition of that little house we lived in, I don't remember anything ever being dirty or out of place. My Mom did a good job of keeping herself and the house clean and attractive, so that when my Dad came home, he would be greeted with loving smiles and a pleasant atmosphere.
What to do if you have lost the enthusiasm you once had to keep yourself clean and attractive for your husband? Here is an inspiring quote that I find helpful when I become a little lax in this regard:
"Mahäräja Priyavrata...greatly loved his wife Barhismati, and with the increase of days, their exchange of nuptial love also increased. By her feminine behavior as she dressed herself, walked, got up, smiled, laughed, and glanced about, Queen Barhismati increased his energy."
In the purport, Srila Prabhupada explains that Maharaja Priyavrata was very much encouraged by the feminine mannerisms of his wife. He notes, "...One needs encouragement from his wife...Ksatriyas and grhasthas...actually need the encouragement of their wives in order to execute their duties. Indeed, a grhastha or ksatriya cannot properly execute his responsibilities without the association of his wife..." Srila Prabhupada goes on to say that Queen Barhismati "was always very expert in pleasing her great husband by properly dressing herself, smiling, and exhibiting her feminine bodily features. Queen Barhismati always kept Mahäräja Priyavrata very encouraged, and thus he executed his governmental duty very properly." (SB 5.1.29)
Queen Barhismati knew how to keep her husband pleased and encouraged by her feminine ways and her attractive dress.
Sometimes I need inspiration in the area of cleaning. It can get rather repetitive, as we all know. To get me inspired to keep my house clean, I have found this site to be especially helpful:
www.FlyLady.net
When both the lady and her house are clean and pretty, a homecoming husband's mind can become soothed after a hard day of work out in the world. A clean and pretty wife and a clean and pretty house can encourage a man and revive him to go back out and do what he needs to do in order to support his family. As Srila Prabhupada said above, a man needs encouragement from his wife, and simply by wearing clean and attractive garments and keeping our house clean, we can help to lighten the burdens of our husband's heart.
ReplyDeleteYes, dear Phalini mataji, several karmi books I read on the subject of happy marriages also recommend the mantra "clean and pretty." How simple, yet how effective. Thank you for this reminder.
I was also thinking how important it is for those of us who are attempting to follow stri dhama to be kind to those who may appear not to be following it. Recently, a close friend of mine encountered a senior mataji who is actively preaching stri dhama as an alternative to Western feminism. This friend of mine is also trying to be surrendered and submissive to her husband to the best of her ability. They were invited at the last minute to the sanga of vaisnavas: both my friend and her husband had a meeting with a lawyer that day, and were subsequently dressed in karmi clothes. They decided that having the association of senior devotees was more important than being appropriately dressed, so they went anyway in their karmi clothes, although they felt somewhat uncomfortable.
My friend did her best to befriend the senior mataji, to whom she looked with admiration and approval. Unfortunately, the mataji was disapproving of my friend's appearance, humiliated her in public about her date of initiation and the length of the period she was married, and stared at her in disbelief when she said she was also trying to follow her husband in everything to do with their lives.
It was an unhappy experience for her. Hearing her story gave me the strong realization that those of us who are attempting to follow daiva ashrama dhama should not become too proud of our achievements, or look down on those who apparently appear not to come up to the pukkah standards. We are not smarta brahmanis but actually maidservants of our husband and Krishna. It is compassion and humility that is needed to transform another's heart, instead of judgment and one-up-womanship. This is a lesson I am still learning on a daily basis.
So dearest Phalini mataji. please bless me in my endeavors to become a devoted, dharmic wife and a loving friend and confidant of the vaishnavis.
Your aspiring servant,
Tulasi devi dasi