Not a blade of grass moves without the sanction
of the Lord. Whoever your husband is and however he happened to become
your husband, he is the instrument chosen by Krsna to give you a
minimized dose of whatever you have coming to you from your past karma.
Don't give in to the temptation to run away from purification. Resist
the temptation to leave your husband. After all, what are you trying to
achieve in this life? Are you trying to stay in this material world
and enjoy a so-called happy marriage? Or are you trying to go all the way back
home, back to Krsna in this very lifetime?
If your answer is the former, then go ahead and leave your husband. Go ahead and try to find somebody else to satisfy your needs. Go ahead and take another birth to keep on trying to fulfill your needs and desires. You will have the same amount of suffering that's due to come to you because of your past karmic activities, whether you're married to this husband or that husband. You cannot escape your karma.
If your answer is the latter, stick with the husband that Krsna gave you, learn how to live with him, practice all the principles that Srila Prabhupada gave us to help insure a peaceful marriage, and, above all, become Krsna conscious and get out of this material world altogether. Go back home to the spiritual world where you won't have to keep looking for a soul-mate and a perfect spouse, which do not exist in this material world.
Remember the Srila Prabhupada said that we should not take the fights between husband and wife very seriously. That means also that husband and wife should not take their own fights very seriously!
If you're in a situation that is not very nice, and there's a lot of suffering involved, remember the verse:
tat te 'nukampäm susamiksamäno
bhunjäna evätma-krtam vipäkam
hrd-väg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jiveta yo mukti-pade sa däya-bhäk
"My dear Lord, one who constantly waits for Your causeless mercy to be bestowed upon him and who goes on suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds, offering You respectful obeisances from the core of his heart, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim."
Surviving marriage
Sometimes it may feel that all you can say about your marriage is that you're surviving. There will be times like that during your years together. Times of strife, poverty, sadness over circumstances, anger towards each other, blame, disease, disappointment in how a child behaves, guilt due to feeling that you have failed as a spouse or a parent, grief over the loss of a child or a business and other types of suffering can create tension in the relationship between husband and wife. When you have to switch into survival mode, it may be all you can do to keep your heads above water. The best thing I can tell you is keep chanting.
When your marriage is in crisis, the worst thing you can do is stop chanting your rounds. A time of marital crisis is the time to increase your chanting. If you stop chanting, your faith in Krsna will wane. If you lose your faith in Krsna, what will your position be? You will be unhappy, alone and unaware of the presence of your best friend Krsna who is standing in your heart waiting for you to turn toward Him again. You will be suffering. Who will be able to help you? Only Krsna. You think you will be able to somehow help yourself without Krsna's help? You will simply be frustrated more and more. When your marriage is in crisis, continue chanting the Holy Names. Keep chanting your sixteen rounds. Every day. Try harder than ever to hear the Holy Names. Pray more than ever for the purifying mercy of Sri Nama Prabhu to dissolve your subtle body and allow you to taste His sweetness. We are completely dependent on the Holy Name of Krsna. Only Krsna can solve our problems. All our problems.
Lord Rama told His mother Kausalya that for a woman to leave her husband is "simply cruel." You may be feeling really disgusted sometimes in your marriage. You may sometimes feel lonely, angry, resentful, spiteful or hopeless. You may think, Why did I marry this guy in the first place? I should have married somebody who's more understanding, communicative, empathetic, courteous and respectful. You may be tempted sometimes when you're really mad at your husband to throw in the towel and walk out on him, but you should try your very best to resist this temptation.
Stay with your husband. Don't leave him. Keep your marriage intact. Depend on Krsna to help you and your husband survive as a couple. Live the principles of a dharmapatni as best you can, pray to see how you can improve as a wife, pray for your husband and always remember that Krsna has given you the perfect husband to teach you all the lessons you need to learn in order to make it out of here and go back home, back to Godhead at the end of this very lifetime.
If your answer is the former, then go ahead and leave your husband. Go ahead and try to find somebody else to satisfy your needs. Go ahead and take another birth to keep on trying to fulfill your needs and desires. You will have the same amount of suffering that's due to come to you because of your past karmic activities, whether you're married to this husband or that husband. You cannot escape your karma.
If your answer is the latter, stick with the husband that Krsna gave you, learn how to live with him, practice all the principles that Srila Prabhupada gave us to help insure a peaceful marriage, and, above all, become Krsna conscious and get out of this material world altogether. Go back home to the spiritual world where you won't have to keep looking for a soul-mate and a perfect spouse, which do not exist in this material world.
Remember the Srila Prabhupada said that we should not take the fights between husband and wife very seriously. That means also that husband and wife should not take their own fights very seriously!
If you're in a situation that is not very nice, and there's a lot of suffering involved, remember the verse:
tat te 'nukampäm susamiksamäno
bhunjäna evätma-krtam vipäkam
hrd-väg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jiveta yo mukti-pade sa däya-bhäk
"My dear Lord, one who constantly waits for Your causeless mercy to be bestowed upon him and who goes on suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds, offering You respectful obeisances from the core of his heart, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim."
Surviving marriage
Sometimes it may feel that all you can say about your marriage is that you're surviving. There will be times like that during your years together. Times of strife, poverty, sadness over circumstances, anger towards each other, blame, disease, disappointment in how a child behaves, guilt due to feeling that you have failed as a spouse or a parent, grief over the loss of a child or a business and other types of suffering can create tension in the relationship between husband and wife. When you have to switch into survival mode, it may be all you can do to keep your heads above water. The best thing I can tell you is keep chanting.
When your marriage is in crisis, the worst thing you can do is stop chanting your rounds. A time of marital crisis is the time to increase your chanting. If you stop chanting, your faith in Krsna will wane. If you lose your faith in Krsna, what will your position be? You will be unhappy, alone and unaware of the presence of your best friend Krsna who is standing in your heart waiting for you to turn toward Him again. You will be suffering. Who will be able to help you? Only Krsna. You think you will be able to somehow help yourself without Krsna's help? You will simply be frustrated more and more. When your marriage is in crisis, continue chanting the Holy Names. Keep chanting your sixteen rounds. Every day. Try harder than ever to hear the Holy Names. Pray more than ever for the purifying mercy of Sri Nama Prabhu to dissolve your subtle body and allow you to taste His sweetness. We are completely dependent on the Holy Name of Krsna. Only Krsna can solve our problems. All our problems.
Lord Rama told His mother Kausalya that for a woman to leave her husband is "simply cruel." You may be feeling really disgusted sometimes in your marriage. You may sometimes feel lonely, angry, resentful, spiteful or hopeless. You may think, Why did I marry this guy in the first place? I should have married somebody who's more understanding, communicative, empathetic, courteous and respectful. You may be tempted sometimes when you're really mad at your husband to throw in the towel and walk out on him, but you should try your very best to resist this temptation.
Stay with your husband. Don't leave him. Keep your marriage intact. Depend on Krsna to help you and your husband survive as a couple. Live the principles of a dharmapatni as best you can, pray to see how you can improve as a wife, pray for your husband and always remember that Krsna has given you the perfect husband to teach you all the lessons you need to learn in order to make it out of here and go back home, back to Godhead at the end of this very lifetime.
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