The Duty of a Father

                 “…Therefore, according to our Vedic

                 civilization, it is the father's duty when       

              the girl is young to find out a suitable boy

                        who can take charge of her…” 

                                            --(Lecture, Bombay, March 30, 1971

Practically the most important achievement in life for a feminine girl is to get a good husband. And good husbands are rare. Good Vaisnava husbands are especially rare. Manusyanam sahasresu...

Every normal little girl dreams of one day being a beautiful bride. She longs to meet her soul-mate and give her heart to him. She imagines how she will dress on her wedding day, how she will wear her hair, and other details. But of deeper importance than the external details of the ceremony is her need for a quality man. She especially desires that her future husband will love her, support her, and be a good father to their children.

This is where the duty of her father must be taken most seriously. The father is responsible to get his daughter married to a nice boy while she is still young and a pure virgin. My father did not know that I was already anxious for marriage before the age of puberty. Neither did he know that it was his duty to get me married to a suitable boy before I reached that most vulnerable time. Had he known, and had he found me a suitable husband, I could have been spared the agony of yearning from my pre-school years all the way to the age of thirty to know who my husband was. “A young woman who has no husband is called anätha, meaning ‘one who is not protected.’ As soon as a woman attains the age of puberty, she immediately becomes very much agitated by sexual desire. It is therefore the duty of the father to get his daughter married before she attains puberty. Otherwise she will be very much mortified by not having a husband…” (Bhag. 4.25.42, Purport)

Mortified is a strong word, derived from the Latin mors, meaning death. I have always felt that Srila Prabhupada chose just the right word to describe what a girl feels like without her husband. Not only is a young woman personally tormented by not having a husband, it was also once described by Srila Prabhupada as her defect if she is husbandless. "On one of his visits to Boston, Prabhupäda was introduced to a young Indian woman who had joined the temple. She had been married to a man who was not at all interested in Krsna consciousness and who had mistreated her in many ways. With his permission, she had left him and was now living with the other devotees. Prabhupäda approved of this but then said, “You have got only one defect.”

The girl asked, “Oh, what is it?”

Prabhupäda said, “You have no husband. Woman without a husband, that is not good. You must get a husband, and then you will be perfect. When a woman follows her husband, then she is perfect.” (Srila Prabhupada Nectar, 3.24)

In a conversation with some of his disciples, the subject of a father's duty to get his daughter married came up. Srila Prabhupada said, "The first thing is in due time, either the girl or the boy must be married, that is Indian system. In due time. Boy not exceeding twenty years or twenty-five years, at most, and girl not exceeding fifteen years, sixteen years, must be. Samskära, this is one of the samskäras. Just like garbhädhäna-samskära, this is also one samskära, and marriage is also samskära. Must be married. Dasa-vidha-samskära, ten kinds of samskäras, out of which marriage is one of the samskäras. And kanyä-däya. Kanyä-däya, däya means by law the father is bound to get his daughter married, by law. He cannot escape the responsibility." Srila Prabhupada concludes very matter-of-factly: "He may not get his son married, but the daughter must be married. This is father's duty. This is father's duty." (Conversation, July 7, 1976)

It's a heavy, heavy duty, and it must be taken seriously by every responsible father.