Being modest and truthful, controlling her senses,
and speaking in sweet words, a chaste woman
should engage in the service of her husband with love,
according to time and circumstances.
Srimad-Bhagavatam 7.11.27
We have discussed the meaning of the word "modest." Srila Prabhupada compares it to the word "shy." But what does it mean to be truthful? A child who is raised by loving parents is guilelessly honest, because he trusts that when he tells his parents the truth--even if he has done something wrong--he will be treated with understanding and love. A child like this is always honest, because he knows that even if he did something displeasing to his parents, even if he knows he will be punished for what he has done, he is not afraid, because he has always been dealt with in a kind way, with understanding. A wife who trusts her husband is like a trusting child. She is always truthful with her husband because she sees him as the representation of the Supreme Lord, and respects him and his desires. If she does something against his desires, she humbly admits it, and desires in her heart to rectify herself. Thus she pleases her husband by her honesty and forthrightness, as well as by her desire to improve herself.
Srila Prabhupada has also equated the word "truthful" with keeping promises or vows. If a woman has promised to do something, she should keep her promise. When she makes a vow, she should keep it. She should also keep confidences. We women are cursed by Yudhisthira Maharaja not to be able to keep secrets, so we must pray and be vigilant to control our tongues when entrusted with someone's confidence.
What about controlling her senses? "There are five senses for acquiring knowledge: the eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin. Then five working senses: voice, legs, hands, anus and genitals. Then, above the senses, there is the mind, which is within and which can be called the sense within. Therefore, including the mind, there are eleven senses altogether." (Bg. 13.6-7 Ppt)
How does a chaste woman control her eyes? She restrains herself from gazing at men other than her husband. She daily takes darshan of the Lord in His arca-vigraha form. She reads Srila Prabhupada's books daily. She "sees" what her husband needs and tries to always be vigilant to serve her husband expertly.
How does a chaste woman control her ears? She hears the holy names during her japa meditation every day with rapt attention, knowing that Krsna, in the form of His holy names, will empower her to perform her duties nicely for His pleasure. She hears shastra every day and, if possible, she hears Bhagavatam class. She always tries to avoid hearing mundane sound vibrations which distract her from remembering Krsna and which can bring her consciousness down to the material level. She refuses to hear criticism of Vaisnavas, and only agrees to hear sounds which will uplift her consciousness and keep her heart soft for Krsna, His devotees, and all living beings.
How does a chaste woman control her nose? She smells the flowers and Tulasi which have been offered to the Lord. As far as possible, she refrains from smelling anything delicious until it is first offered to the Lord.
She also keeps her nose out of others' business which is not her own.
How does a chaste woman control her tongue? For food, she honors only Krsna prasadam, and as far as her voice and her speech are concerned, she tries to always speak and sing Krsna's holy names, and only speaks and sings words which help herself and others come closer to Krsna. As mentioned above, she should also keep confidences when they are entrusted to her by others.
How does a chaste woman control her tactile sense? She surrounds herself with Vaisnavas, so that, as far as possible, her body comes in contact only with the bodies of devotees. She touches the arca-vigraha form of the Lord in service to Him, and whatever she touches during the day, she thinks of as the property of Krsna, meant to be offered to Him in loving devotional service.
How does a chaste woman control her legs? She walks around Krsna's house, cleaning for His pleasure, cooking for Him, serving His devotees by keeping their laundry clean, folded and put away. She walks to the temple of the Lord and to the homes of devotees to render service, and she stands to greet her husband when he returns from work. She remains standing in order to serve her guests and waits until everyone else is satisfied before sitting down to honor prasadam herself.
How does a chaste woman control her hands? She uses them in Krsna's service. She cleans Krsna's house, she cooks for Krsna, she creates beautiful works of art for Krsna's pleasure. She serves her husband and children with love by using her hands in various ways to encourage them to grow closer to Krsna daily. She reverently touches the Deity for serving Him, and she gratefully opens Srila Prabhupada's books with her hands daily. She fingers her japa mala with devotion, and takes good care of her hands so that they remain in good condition for serving the Lord. She refrains from using her hands for activities which distract her or her family members from Krsna consciousness. She realizes that her hands belong to the Lord, and she always tries to use them in His service.
How does a chaste woman control her private senses? She always keeps them clean, tries to keep them in good health, and uses them only in the regulated service of the Lord.
How does a chaste woman control her mind? She practices daily to keep her mind fixed on the sound of Krsna's holy names during her japa time. She knows that a controlled mind starts with hearing the holy names. She practices remembering Krsna at every moment, and aspires to remember Him even while she is sleeping. She knows that controlling her mind is only possible by fixing it at Krsna's lotus feet, so this is her full-time endeavor.
How does a chaste woman speak sweet words? A sweet tongue starts with chanting and hearing the holy names of the Lord with rapt attention each morning. A sweet tongue is further enhanced by studying Srila Prabhupada's books every day. One way a chaste lady develops a sweet tongue is by practicing to catch herself when she feels the urge to say something negative or critical. Instead of speaking some criticism, she finds something to admire. Instead of something negative, she says something positive. In this way, she spreads encouragement and fills the atmosphere with positive energy. A chaste lady controls her tongue by refraining from using profanity, by abstaining from gossip and fault-finding, and by choosing to speak about Krsna-related topics instead of prajalpa.* She chooses to control anger and other negative emotions by practicing to understand others' personalities and motives, and by depending on Krsna to help her do so. She tries to see everything which is apparently negative as Krsna's kind arrangement for her purification, and thus the words that emanate from her lips are always full of good, positive messages, emotions and motives.
What does it mean to serve the husband according to time and circumstances? It means to be flexible, understanding that one type of service may be appropriate for one occasion, and inappropriate for another. She uses her intelligence to decipher what is appropriate at each moment of the day and night, keeping in mind always that her husband is the representation of the Lord and the via medium through which she serves the Lord. She is always sensitive to her husband's needs and desires, whether they be steady and constant, or fluctuating and changeable. She tries to always be malleable to her husband's mood and mold herself according to his temperament. "If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a woman." (SB 9.3.10 Ppt)
How does a chaste woman control her ears? She hears the holy names during her japa meditation every day with rapt attention, knowing that Krsna, in the form of His holy names, will empower her to perform her duties nicely for His pleasure. She hears shastra every day and, if possible, she hears Bhagavatam class. She always tries to avoid hearing mundane sound vibrations which distract her from remembering Krsna and which can bring her consciousness down to the material level. She refuses to hear criticism of Vaisnavas, and only agrees to hear sounds which will uplift her consciousness and keep her heart soft for Krsna, His devotees, and all living beings.
How does a chaste woman control her nose? She smells the flowers and Tulasi which have been offered to the Lord. As far as possible, she refrains from smelling anything delicious until it is first offered to the Lord.
She also keeps her nose out of others' business which is not her own.
How does a chaste woman control her tongue? For food, she honors only Krsna prasadam, and as far as her voice and her speech are concerned, she tries to always speak and sing Krsna's holy names, and only speaks and sings words which help herself and others come closer to Krsna. As mentioned above, she should also keep confidences when they are entrusted to her by others.
How does a chaste woman control her tactile sense? She surrounds herself with Vaisnavas, so that, as far as possible, her body comes in contact only with the bodies of devotees. She touches the arca-vigraha form of the Lord in service to Him, and whatever she touches during the day, she thinks of as the property of Krsna, meant to be offered to Him in loving devotional service.
How does a chaste woman control her legs? She walks around Krsna's house, cleaning for His pleasure, cooking for Him, serving His devotees by keeping their laundry clean, folded and put away. She walks to the temple of the Lord and to the homes of devotees to render service, and she stands to greet her husband when he returns from work. She remains standing in order to serve her guests and waits until everyone else is satisfied before sitting down to honor prasadam herself.
How does a chaste woman control her hands? She uses them in Krsna's service. She cleans Krsna's house, she cooks for Krsna, she creates beautiful works of art for Krsna's pleasure. She serves her husband and children with love by using her hands in various ways to encourage them to grow closer to Krsna daily. She reverently touches the Deity for serving Him, and she gratefully opens Srila Prabhupada's books with her hands daily. She fingers her japa mala with devotion, and takes good care of her hands so that they remain in good condition for serving the Lord. She refrains from using her hands for activities which distract her or her family members from Krsna consciousness. She realizes that her hands belong to the Lord, and she always tries to use them in His service.
How does a chaste woman control her private senses? She always keeps them clean, tries to keep them in good health, and uses them only in the regulated service of the Lord.
How does a chaste woman control her mind? She practices daily to keep her mind fixed on the sound of Krsna's holy names during her japa time. She knows that a controlled mind starts with hearing the holy names. She practices remembering Krsna at every moment, and aspires to remember Him even while she is sleeping. She knows that controlling her mind is only possible by fixing it at Krsna's lotus feet, so this is her full-time endeavor.
How does a chaste woman speak sweet words? A sweet tongue starts with chanting and hearing the holy names of the Lord with rapt attention each morning. A sweet tongue is further enhanced by studying Srila Prabhupada's books every day. One way a chaste lady develops a sweet tongue is by practicing to catch herself when she feels the urge to say something negative or critical. Instead of speaking some criticism, she finds something to admire. Instead of something negative, she says something positive. In this way, she spreads encouragement and fills the atmosphere with positive energy. A chaste lady controls her tongue by refraining from using profanity, by abstaining from gossip and fault-finding, and by choosing to speak about Krsna-related topics instead of prajalpa.* She chooses to control anger and other negative emotions by practicing to understand others' personalities and motives, and by depending on Krsna to help her do so. She tries to see everything which is apparently negative as Krsna's kind arrangement for her purification, and thus the words that emanate from her lips are always full of good, positive messages, emotions and motives.
What does it mean to serve the husband according to time and circumstances? It means to be flexible, understanding that one type of service may be appropriate for one occasion, and inappropriate for another. She uses her intelligence to decipher what is appropriate at each moment of the day and night, keeping in mind always that her husband is the representation of the Lord and the via medium through which she serves the Lord. She is always sensitive to her husband's needs and desires, whether they be steady and constant, or fluctuating and changeable. She tries to always be malleable to her husband's mood and mold herself according to his temperament. "If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a woman." (SB 9.3.10 Ppt)
pamho
ReplyDeleteagtSG&G
there isn't an option to 'like' so I wanted
to comment that I like this posting mother Phalini!
your aspiring servant,
Adi-sakti dd
Dear Adi-sakti,
DeleteThanks for your sweet comment. May you be victorious in your marriage! Hare Krsna.
YS,
Didi Phalini