Practice Humility

       Even in the dealings of Lord Krsna with His different queens, 

it has been seen that although the queens were the daughters of great kings, 

they placed themselves before Lord Krsna as His maidservants.  

However great a woman may be, 

she must place herself before her husband in this way...

                                                                                                   ~Srimad-Bhagavatam 9.3.10, Purport

Yesterday I read an article in The Guardian which quoted a woman reporter from Italy saying that if one of their Italian "family-oriented" television commercials were aired in Britain, it wouldn't go over so well.  The commercial she was specifically referring to features a lady serving her husband and children a meal.  She said that although such a scene would be common in Italy--a wife serving her husband and her children before she eats--in other countries this is an archaic, unpopular idea.  She predicted that people in Britain would find it disgusting to see a woman serving her family like that.

Guess what?  That's what I do!  I learned it from my Indian friends.  Like my friend Sugita.  We had lunch at her house today.  She serves guests first, then her husband, then she clears the table and cleans the dishes before she honors prasadam herself.  She makes sure everyone is completely satisfied and comfortable before she thinks of taking her own meal.  Following the example of cultured ladies like Sugita, I have also learned to serve my husband first and after he's completely satisfied and his dishes are washed, I make sure the kids are fed, then I honor prasadam.  And when guests are present, then I observe this rule even more strictly.

Why do we do this?  Because it pleases Lord Sri Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and because it helps us develop humility, among other nice qualities.  As aspiring Vaisnavas, we are trying to uncover our natural love for God, so we are practicing vaidhi-bhakti, which means we practice devotional service to Lord Sri Krsna.  Krsna has given mankind cultural traditions which, if we practice them, we gradually become purified of false ego and uncover our natural, dormant love for Him, along with lovely qualities like humility.

What is false ego?  False ego, the agar on which false pride is born, is part of the subtle body.  The subtle body, which is made up of mind, intelligence and false ego is the vehicle which carries us (the soul) after death to another gross material body.  As long as we maintain identification with the gross material body we are encased in as our self, we remain trapped inside a subtle body made up of mind, intelligence and false ego.  False ego, or ahankara, is the ingredient of the subtle body that makes us think, I am this body and causes us to want to gratify our mind and the senses of our body without concern for others.

When we use our human life to cultivate loving service to God, which naturally awakens humility within the heart, we enter the realms of higher-class human culture.  It is a time-honored tradition in high-class cultures that the wife serves her husband as her lord and master, and takes care of the children first before she thinks of feeding herself.  In fact, in the Padma Purana, it is said that a chaste wife makes sure that even the cows are fed before she eats.  When she serves her husband and children (and even the cows) in that way, she is practicing humility, which is a requisite quality for returning to the spiritual world.  Because she is following a tradition within the culture that Lord Sri Krsna has given us, she is pleasing Lord Krsna by her practice of humble service.  And pleasing Krsna is the goal of life.  "O best among the twice-born, it is therefore concluded that the highest perfection one can achieve by discharging the duties prescribed for one's own occupation according to caste divisions and orders of life is to please the Personality of Godhead." 
(SB 1.2.13)

Humility, just like love for God, is already there in our hearts.  We can uncover our natural humility, just like we can uncover our natural love for God, by practicing bhakti-yoga.  Bhakti yoga is also known as devotional service, or service to God in loving devotion.

Besides serving her family first in a humble service mood, there are other practices that a woman can employ to cultivate humility in her heart.  She can try a few of these and implement them in her daily life.

For example, she can offer obeisances (respects) to her husband every morning.  This helps her to remember that she is her husband's servant.  It helps him to remember that he is her servant also.  As the Christians say, the husband is the "servant-leader" of his family and the wife is his "helpmate."

A Vaisnavi can chant God's names, particularly the maha-mantra Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare / Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, a fixed number of times every day.  While she is chanting, she can try very hard to hear the holy names of the Lord attentively.  This purifies her heart and helps her develop a mood of service and surrender to the Lord's holy names.  The process of regularly chanting the maha-mantra a fixed number of times daily gradually dissolves the subtle body, revealing the natural love for God which is dormant in the soul.  And for one who loves God, humility is a natural quality. (See Bg 13.8-12)

She can refrain from addressing her husband by his name, using instead a title of respect such as "Pati" (protector), "Swami" (husband) or "Prabhu" (lord).  (See SB 3.23.2 Ppt)

She can practice responding positively whenever he asks her to do something.  For example, if he interrupts her in the middle of a task, instead of being annoyed and thinking, You're interrupting me! she can respond with a positive word like "Sure!" or "Okay!" and give him a reassuring smile.  Even if she feels that what she is doing is more important, when he comes to her to ask her assistance, she can choose to respond positively.  And if she is able to do so at that moment, she can even take out time right then to perform the task he has given her, then go back to what she was doing previously.

She can give him her full attention when he talks, especially when he talks to her.

She can perform some small, pleasing service to her husband at night before he goes to sleep, such as fixing him a little snack, giving him a foot massage, or reading scripture like the Krsna Book to him as he falls asleep.

These are a few ways a lady can cultivate humility, while simultaneously pleasing the Lord through loving devotional service to her husband.

Along with the suggestions that were made above, Lord Sri Krsna has given us one more powerful clue whereby we can ward off the false pride that contaminates our hearts and makes us vulnerable to rebirth in this dangerous material world: to serve His devotees rather than trying to serve Him directly.  He has revealed that by serving His devotees we can attract His attention and thus gain His mercy. (See SB 1.9.25 Ppt)  Just imagine!  God Himself, Lord Sri Krsna, has given us a secret hint as to how to please Him in the most heart-warming way.  By serving His devotees--our devotee husbands, our devotee children, and devotees outside our immediate families, we can actually purify our hearts and attract the attention of the Lord!  We can make leaps and strides of spiritual advancement when we serve the Lord's devotees with a view to trying to please the Lord, rather than trying to serve the Lord Himself directly.  Only when we receive Lord Krsna's mercy can we dissolve our subtle body and develop genuine humility.

Srila Prabhupada tells a story.  A wise sage encounters a prince, a butcher, a brahmacari and a pure devotee of the Lord.  He says to the prince, "Live, don't die" because while he's living, his life is very luxurious, but because he's totally into sense gratification, when he dies, he will have to take birth as a dog.  He says to the butcher, "Don't live, don't die" because a butcher's life is so ghastly, killing animals and cutting up their bodies, that after he dies, he will have to suffer in hell for his horrendous activities.  He says to the brahmacari, "Die immediately" because the brahmacari's daily life is filled with selfless service.  Prabhupada says that the brahmacari's life is full of hardships, but that such hardships prepare him for life in Vaikuntha. And to the pure devotee, he says, "Either you live, or you die, you are in an excellent situation."  He says this because a pure devotee is always happy thinking of Krsna and serving Him.  He doesn't care whether he's in heaven or hell, in a material body or a spiritual body, he's just always happily engaged in selflessly serving the Lord.

I mention this story because the example of the brahmacari compares to the life of a devoted wife. Sometimes we may not be in a frame of mind that is conducive to performing our service with love.  A woman who wants to awaken the natural humility in her heart can try to perform her daily duties with regularity, thinking always of offering everything she does to Lord Sri Krsna for His pleasure, whether she is in the mood to do so or not.  This cleanses the false ego and helps her to become humble.  A lot can be said for this suggestion alone.  A chaste wife who performs her duties with loving devotion to her husband, whether she feels like doing so or not, receives the same benefit that a brahmacari in the ashrama of his guru receives for his selfless, constant service to his spiritual master.  Just like the brahmacari, the hardships a chaste wife endures by performing her duties, rain or shine, qualify her for entrance into Vaikuntha.

I once read a story about a woman who daily served her husband as if he were a special guest in his own home.  She always treated him gently with all consideration, courtesy, thoughtfulness and sweet, kind words. By serving her husband in this way, she kept him always happy and peaceful.  Similarly, by serving our pati-guru, our husband, as we would serve a special, honored guest, and by serving our children with care, we practice humility.  Humility is a quality that is very attractive to the Lord.  When we practice humility, Krsna sees our enthusiasm to develop such a rare, pleasing quality.  He then helps us to uncover our dormant humility by gradually dissolving our false ego.

We are originally from the spiritual world, where life is eternal and always happy.  This material world is very foreign to us, because it is a place filled with miserable experiences where everything eventually disappears and everyone dies.  At the time of death, if we haven't yet developed humility in pure love of God, upon leaving our present body we will again be transferred by way of the subtle body to another gross material body and another lifetime in this material realm.  Each time we leave a body, if we are lacking in a pure, humble loving service attitude toward God, we are carried from one gross material body to another gross material body.  Our desire to remain in the illusion of bodily identification thus keeps us trapped in the material world, which is a temporary place full of miseries.

What is humility?  Humility is the absence of false pride.  It means to be free from the desire to be honored by others.  "Humility means that one should not be anxious to have the satisfaction of being honored by others." (Bg 13.9, Ppt)  What are the benefits of practicing humility?  Humility helps us transcend identity with the gross material body.  Humility helps us to realize that we are the soul inside the body, that we are eternal servants of God.  When we develop true humility, we can be effective instruments of the Lord in all areas of life.  Humility helps us to get out of the perpetual cycle of repeated birth and death.  Humility attracts the attention of the Lord.

The wise woman who practices humility helps not only herself, her husband and her children, but she sets a powerful example for other souls who want to develop the quality of humility and thereby attract the attention of the Lord.

Dear Lord, if You so desire, please guide me in the practice of humility, and kindly accept my attempts to practice being humble.  By Your causeless mercy, kindly manifest in me a true desire to become actually humble.  Please fulfill my desire and make me truly humble so that I may be Your effective instrument at all times.  Bless my husband also with the quality of true humility.  Kindly help me to be enthusiastic to serve my husband as Your representative in my life, and my children and grandchildren as Your little parts and parcels.  Please help me to desire to serve Your devotees. Kindly allow me the privilege of serving the Vaisnavas and empower me to do so.  Thank You, Lord.