By her feminine behavior
as she dressed herself, walked, got up, smiled, laughed, and glanced about,
Queen Barhismati increased [her husband's] energy.
-- Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.1.29
In the section titled "Sacred Secrets," secret number seven of the secrets of the sadhvis is to practice femininity. Besides dressing in feminine attire and wearing your hair neatly and attractively, speaking sweetly and cultivating your natural shyness, another very important principle of femininity is cheerfulness. To see his wife cheerful gives energy and courage to a man.
To remain cheerful, a wife must be in good health physically and mentally. It's hard to be cheerful if you're too tired or if you're sick or have emotional problems. Take care of yourself, get enough rest (but not too much--remember Bhagavad-gita 6.16?), honor enough healthy prasadam to keep body and soul together (but not too much, again remember Bg 6.16), get some daily exercise--even fifteen minutes of exercise can keep you feeling healthy, happy and energized--and bare your soul to a trusted girlfriend. Above all, take some time to be alone with Krsna. This is most important. Hear the holy names with full attention during your japa time. Make Krsna--the reservoir of bliss--the sole object of your attention and worship, and you will be able to be always cheerful. Regulation is important for maintaining good health, too. Although it is practically impossible for the mother of a baby to be regulated, still she should strive toward that goal. She should try to be regulated so that her body stays healthy. As far as possible, arrange your schedule in such a way that you are able to perform all the duties you need to perform but also get proper rest. If you are rested, you can be cheerful.
One of the most difficult features of modern life is that we are too busy. We are burdened by always having too much to do. Service to our husbands and children as well as temple duties and sadhana can take up more than eighteen hours a day, which leaves insufficient time for a wife and mother to get proper rest. Of course, the life of a wife and mother is a life of sacrifice. To stay up late at night or to get up early in the morning in order to fulfill a special request or need of your husband or your child is a very nice, special sacrifice to make for your loved ones. But this type of sacrifice should be an occasional thing. We are not Draupadi, whose nights and days ran together until she couldn't tell whether it was day or night. She was an empowered pure devotee. We are not on that level. We need our sleep
Cleanliness is next to godliness, and it is conducive to good health. Clean your body before sunrise every morning, and clean your house every day. Clean it for Krsna's pleasure. Cleaning for Krsna cleans your heart. Srila Prabhupada told us that in India the ladies sweep the entire house--including the porch--first thing in the morning. We may not be able to clean our entire house every morning, but at least we must work at keeping our house clean. After all, it is Krsna's house. One little trick I learned as a new devotee was to always leave a place cleaner than you find it. This is a good rule of thumb to practice ourselves and a good rule to teach our children. After all, as we clean, especially if we're cleaning for Krsna, we begin to feel happy. A clean house is a nice offering to Krsna and to our husbands. And a clean heart is a happy heart.
Another feature of femininity is dependence. Men like women who are dependent. We women who have been brought up in the 20th century have been trained to look out for ourselves, to be independent and tough, to make our own way in the world. But these qualities of an independent woman are not attractive to masculine men. They are not the qualities that capable men are looking for in a wife. A masculine man likes to know he's needed by his wife for heavy tasks, for difficult jobs that require masculine strength and for problems that need solving and which require careful analysis and sharp intelligence. When we defer to our husbands in such matters, our husbands get a chance to be our "hero." They love opening tight jar lids, chopping wood, carrying heavy loads and scouting out strange, scary sounds in the night with a flashlight while we huddle in bed or stand on a chair.
I had a really amazing experience recently. My husband and I took a japa walk home after dark from Udupi to our little house on the edge of town. He turned the key, opened the front door and flipped on the front room light. I turned to close the door, and you won't believe what I saw: a giant scorpion, right behind the front door! My husband told me to get up on a chair while he killed it and cleaned up the mess. I told him I would not have been able to do what he did and that I had felt really scared. He was glad to be able to "rescue" me from that scary scorpion, and I am grateful that I had a chance to compliment him on his bravery!
When we stop suppressing our native instincts and allow our natural feminine timidity and weakness to manifest, we give our husbands the opportunity to manifest their masculine strength and courage. This is very encouraging (note how the word "encourage" has the word "courage" as its basis) for a man, and we are meant to encourage our husbands. For us modern women to become dependent instead of independent--to learn how to lean on the strong arms of our husbands--takes practice. But we can do it, if we depend on Krsna.
Overall, a wife and mother should try to eat properly, get enough sleep, and be regulated so that her body stays healthy. Ideally, she should rise early, bathe before sunrise, dress herself nicely, neatly and attractively for Krsna and her husband, and perform her sadhana before the children wake up. She should keep her house clean, as this pleases the family Deity and promotes happiness within her own heart and in the hearts of all the family members. And she should execute her prescribed duties expertly--cleaning, cooking, laundry, childcare, sewing, mending, decorating, and serving her husband in whatever ways he needs her assistance--while honoring her husband's position as her pati-guru, as the leader and guru of the family, as the provider, protector and performer of herculean tasks. To see his wife cheerful, and to see her appearing feminine in her dress and soft, gentle and dependent in her nature and behavior is an energizing, empowering experience for a man, and it is a great service to give our husbands that experience.
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